Was ‘Equilibrium’ the Ultimate Early 2000s Action Classic?

A look back at the Christian Bale-led, Matrix-influenced sci-fi action classic Equilibrium (2002).

The Matrix updated the dystopian movie genre for the 21st century. 2002’s Equilibrium may seem like another copycat at fist glance, but director/writer Kurt Wimmer together with rising star Christian Bale delivered a gripping Sci-Fi actioner, so let’s have another look!

After world war 3, a totalitarian society emerges where human emotions are blamed as the prime cause for devastating earth, and rendered illegal. Everyone takes the drug Prozium that suppresses feelings. Not everyone complies, and a government elite unit, the Clerics, are tasked with finding and eliminating all sense offenders. Cleric Preston (Christian Bale) is the best of them, but when he misses a Prozium dose, he begins to feel again, and his loyalty to the regime is put to the test.

It is not the message that is important, it is our obedience to it

Forced suppression of emotions is an unusual premise for a dystopian story, fascist regimes often use them to their advantage or, as in Brave New World, lul the people with pleasures. It’s an interesting thought experiment nevertheless. The drug Prozium also works as a reminder of the alleged moderation of unwanted emotions through medication in our world, and the ever-increasing usage of antidepressants and stimulants gives some credence to this claim.

Equilibrium borrows heavily from Fahrenheit 451 with its mandated burning of paintings and poetry books. The film as a whole is derivative in premise and style, and throws together many classic Dystopian tropes. The plot does not have many surprises in stock, and yet Wimmer assembles the well-known pieces into an interesting mosaic that is strong on atmosphere, has plenty food for thought, and is full of kick-ass action. 

Without love, anger, and sorrow, breath is just a clock ticking

The monumental buildings of the fascist era in Berlin and Rome were used as sets, and evoke a constant aura of awe and dread. And the ruined city blocks of post-communist Eastern Germany provide an effective stage for the post-war wasteland shown in the film. The smart choice of shooting locations gives the film a unique visual style, and a pervasively bleak atmosphere.

Every member of the cast is doing a fine job but this film is Christian Bale’s show. Bale is one of the great actors of our times and his performance elevates the quality of the movie significantly. He displays a stunning range of emotions with some truly heartbreaking moments. His Preston starts out as a stone cold lethal enforcer with a piercing stare, who shows first cracks with brief emotional outbursts, and ends up in a full breakdown that transforms him into a remorseless avenger.

The geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable element

Preston’s awakening is accompanied by a pile of battered and perforated bodies. Director Wimmer takes combat to the extreme with the Gun Kata style, which can only be described as an ultra-high-speed close-range Gun Fu. Split second movements and kills every 100 milliseconds make for some incredibly intense and brutal action sequences. 

The film’s minimalist and monochromatic visuals are effective to draw our full attention to the action. The extravagant and impossible fight choreography is captured flawlessly by a kinetic cinematography that does not rely on hectic editing. And it all just looks so badass with the Clerics in their slick coats going guns akimbo while flanked by riot police squads in a post-war wasteland.

Equilibrium owes its existence to The Matrix, and just like its muse, it delivers a fine (if less refined) blend of action and mental nourishment. Thanks to a stellar performance by Bale and absurdly intense action sequences, it became an ultimate early 2000s action classic!

Top 15 Mullets in Action Movies

The mullet has a timeless elegance, and was an indispensable accessory to make an 80s action hero complete. The haircut has seen a resurgence in the last years, so it was time we admire the originals, and present you the top 15 actors and their mullets in action movies! 

15 – Will Forte (MacGruber)

Based one of SNL’s most awesome skit series, MacGruber is a great parody of MacGyver and old-school action films. Sporting a classic mullet, MacGruber’s overconfidence and total cluelessness are a constant catalyst for mayhem and low-brow jokes.

14 – Marc Singer (The Beastmaster)

Of the many mullet-wearing, swashbuckling heroes in Sword & Sorcery films, Marc Singer’s version turned out to be the most refined and always well-maintained, despite frequent exposure to dust, blood and sweat. His mane is even more impressive than that of his tiger companion and an important asset to this classic fantasy action-adventure!

13 – Jim Belushi (The Principal)

The Principal (1987) Directed by Christopher Cain Shown: James Belushi

Jim Belushi is as bad-ass as they come in one of the best entries to the teachers-straightening-out-school-kids-by-using excessive-violence subgenre of action films. This rowdy teacher is punished for insubordination and promoted to principal of the worst school in the country. His curly mullet version with the onset of a receding hairline means serious business.

12 – Rutger Hauer (Wanted Dead or Alive)

The most famous Dutchman since Vincent can Gogh takes center stage as vengeful bounty hunter in this archetypal 80s action thriller. Gene Simmons as a muslim terrorist (with one of the great demises in movie history) is no match for Hauer and his blonde manifestation of manliness.

11 – Dolph Lundgren (Masters of the Universe)

The live-action version of the kids TV series was a fun mess, and in his second feature film Dolph Lundgren took on the honorable task of boosting action figure sales. He is the perfect look-a-like of He-Man with his absence of facial expressions just like his plastic counterpart, and a peroxide mullet of the highest chemical grade.

10 – Brian Bosworth (Stone Cold)

For Stone Cold, former NFL star Brian Bosworth took it down a notch mullet-wise compared to his real-life hair style. His character Joe presents to us a more refined version of his glorious hair, an important element for going convincingly undercover to infiltrate a criminal biker gang, and to indulge in high-octane action!

9 – Joe Piscopo (Dead Heat)

In this fantastic mix of zombie horror and action comedy, detectives Roger Mortis (Treat Williams) and Doug Bigelow (Joe Piscopo) are your typical antipodal cop duo. Mortis is sophisticated and undead, Bigalow has an attitude and is alive. The latter sports an impressive cement mullet, with his hair standing perfectly still even in the most perilous situations.

8 – Roddy Piper (They Live)

They Live is a cult Sci-Fi satire and another ultimate classic by John Carpenter. For a world full of hidden messages and illusions it only made sense to cast Roddy Piper as the main star, one of the great representatives of another realm of illusions, the world of wrestling. And just like every self-respecting wrestler of his time, he sports a well-maintained haircut and a no-nonsense attitude.

7 – Mel Gibson (Lethal Weapon Movies)

Martin Riggs delighted us with a most impressive mane throughout three films of the Lethal Weapon franchise. Always on the edge and often crossing into insanity territory, his wild hair style is a fitting visualization of his explosive temperament. With Riggs, it was always business in the front and party in the back! 

6 – Sylvester Stallone (First Blood: Part II, Rambo III)

Muscles and mullet make an action hero complete. They also provide John Rambo with a neck warmer for the cold Afghan nights and a sweat catcher in the tropical jungle of Vietnam. And the short hair in the front is crucial to to have free aim at his commie enemies for taking them down by the dozen.

5 – Chuck Norris (Invasion USA)

It’s hard to believe that the mullet existed before Chuck Norris wore it in this entertaining Red Dawn rip-off. Norris’ authoritative and uncompromising aura is perfectly augmented by his finely trimmed hair and beard, making him the embodiment of an ultimate 1980s action hero. 

4 – Kurt Russell (Big Trouble in Little China, Tango & Cash)

Kurt Russell was blessed with lots of hair, and in two of his great action classics he used it to create voluminous mullets for his characters Jack and Cash. In fact, secretly they are same person, with both being extrovert, trigger-happy and sporting a similar hair style.

3 – Jean Claude Van Damme (Hard Target)

An explosive actioner deserves a haircut of the same kind. Van Damme gives it all in one of the best iterations of the manhunt-for-fun scenario, but we’re massively distracted whenever his hair shows up on screen. It radiates total badassery, and to prevent the generously applied gel from dripping into his eyes, Van Damme combed it back all the way, and created a totally new category, the oil mullet.

2 – Patrick Swayze (All his 1980s Movies)

The only actor on this list who embraced the mullet throughout all of the 1980s receives this entry for virtually all films he made in that time, first and foremost his actioners, of course. If you think mullet, you should think Patrick Swayze who wore it with an elegance and naturalness like no other actor on this list did. 

1 – Christopher Neame (Steel Dawn)

Sho the villain even trumps the mighty hair of Patrick Swayze’s main character Nomad in this posta-pocalyptic actioner that entertains mostly because of the bonkers costumes and hairstyles of pretty much all protagonists. Neame’s pineapple mullet stands out, however, featuring a multidimensional geometry created in an infinite backcombing session!

How ‘Red Sonja’ Still Delivers a Huge Dose of 80s Action Silliness

If you’re a sucker for S&S flicks, it doesn’t get much more ultimate than ‘Red Sonja’ (1985).

The success of Conan the Barbarian triggered a wave of copycats, including its own sequel Conan the Destroyer in 1984. One year later, producer Dino de Laurentiis gave it another shot with Red Sonja, a character from the expanded Conan Universe of the Marvel comic books. Newcomer Brigitte Nielsen took center stage, with Arnold Schwarzenegger in a supporting role. Even though the film tumbled down the quality latter quite a bit compared to the Conan films, it still became a fun Sword & Sorcery flick, so let’s have a look!

The mighty warrior Sonja (Nielsen) heeds a call for aid by her sister, who is part of an order that protects a powerful and dangerous relic, The Talisman. The artifact is stolen by the evil Queen Gedren (Sandal Bergman), and Sonja’s sister mortally wounded. Sonja sets out to destroy Gedren and the Talisman, with aid from the stalwart Lord Kalidor (Schwarzenegger) and the Kung Fu prodigy prince Tarn (Ernie Reyes Jr.).

She lived in a savage world in an age of violence

I wouldn’t insist that Red Sonja was inspired by Sword & Sorcery (& sex) jank like Hundra and The Sorceress, but these films at least pioneered the female main hero in this genre. Red Sonja is not the best example for feminism in the action genre either, as Lord Kalidor shows up every time Sonja is in turmoil and saves the day. One the other hand, the voyeuristic chain mail bikini from the comic books is gone, and Sonja’s outfit may have inspired the costume for Xena Warrior Princess.

The film shares its visual style and opulence with Conan the Destroyer, and no costs were spared to create a feast for the eyes. It was the high time of matte shots, and the magic of Academy Award winner Albert Whitlock produced epic shots of lava chasms, bridges made from huge skeletons and grim castles high up in the mountains. The indoor sets are also looking awesome, and the room with thousands of burning candles – the ultimate medieval fire hazard – oozes an incredible atmosphere, and we must respect the insane effort that must have gone into creating this scene.

No man may have me unless he has beaten me in a fair fight

The costume design is outlandish and wonderfully over the top. Helmets and armor seem to be made of living metal that has taken a life on its own, growing in all directions. Red Sonja was filmed in Italy, and if you watched some of the old Spaghetti Westerns, the locations may look familiar to you, especially the rocky plains with the Gran Sasso massif towering in the background. And in Ennio Morricone’s soundtrack the old Western vibe also shines through sometimes.

Nielsen came to the film with no acting experience, and not surprisingly it shows. Her line delivery is not very energetic or convincing, but she gives it all in the fights, and also sports a fantastic mullet flaming red hair. Schwarzenegger makes a comeback, not as Conan, but his Kalidor is just as fierce a warrior. His physical presence and charisma lift up the quality of every scene he is in. 

He is reunited with Sandahl Bergman who was his co-star in the first Conan film. Bergman goes completely unhinged with a crazy outfit that features a gold mask and a black spandex suit. Her queen Gedren hugs her giant pet spider, struts through the palace yelling at her servants or sits on her throne all day between ornamented skeletons.

I have fought 177 men, and only one survived

Red Sonja is not a non-stop action fest like Conan the Destroyer, but our band of adventurers finds itself in a good number of perilous situations, which are all resolved with maximum violence. The sword fights are pretty violent with plenty of blood squirting and heads flying. 

Most of the action sequences are of the run-off-the-mill kind, but there are two truly memorable and awesome moments. Sonja’s showdown with Queen Gedren and her inane minion in the throne room is a chaotic mess, but full of crazy energy. The fight is then taken to the chamber of thousand candles where the madness continues. And there is an exciting water battle with a sea dragon that is brought to life thanks to fantastic creature special effects.

The pieces are all there, but in Red Sonja they don’t come quite together as well. But it delivers a huge dose of 1980s action silliness, and if you’re a sucker for S&S flicks, I think you will have a fun time with it. 

Ranking the Best Henchmen of the Mission: Impossible Saga

A look at the most ultimate henchmen (and women) of the Mission Impossible universe.

Much like there are the big missions and the side quests, there are the major villains and the minor ones who assist them. These henchmen are the tiny cogs in the criminal machine, which help to make any nefarious plan… well, really nefarious.

Over the course of seven films, the Mission: Impossible franchise has featured a lot of secondary bad guys, which isn’t a surprise since the saga is renowned for having multiple villains in pretty much every movie. But who out of them is the best of the worst? Let’s look back at some of the most memorable henchmen and henchwomen of Mission: Impossible!

Alert: this article contains spoilers for most of the franchise’s films, so read at your own risk!

Franz Krieger – Mission: Impossible (1996)

For a reason that I’m yet to understand, French antagonists are surprisingly over-represented among Mission: Impossible minor villains. The first film already offered us famous French actor Jean Reno as the knife-wielding Franz Krieger. The disavowed IMF agent is on the receiving end of Ethan Hunt’s magic tricks, and overall, spends most the movie being a snarky jerk. His only motivation is money, but the greedy pilot does have some pretty impressive skills. He can fly a helicopter inside of a tunnel – and would definitely fly one inside of Fort Knox if that means he can grab more cash on the way. Competent and ruthless: the perfect combination for a successful henchman. It isn’t a big surprise when Krieger is revealed to have been working for IMF traitor Jim Phelps (Jon Voight) all along, but his knife tricks remain a joy to watch!

That nameless henchman – Mission: Impossible (1996) and Ghost Protocol (2011)

No name here, and we never even hear the sound of that guy’s voice. But come on, the man’s dedication to his job as a henchman deserves some praise. In the first movie, he is assisting sophisticated arms dealer Max (Vanessa Redgrave), and with his long hair and lighter, you might think of him as the cousin of Die Hard’s Karl (Alexander Godunov) – and you’d be right, because actor Andreas Wisniewski did play Karl’s brother Tony in the 1988 classic film. He has a little less to do here, but still takes his job very seriously: in 2011, our favourite goon is still in business, and doesn’t hesitate to recapture Ethan like in the good old days. While the entire fanbase still regrets Vanessa Redgave’s absence in Ghost Protocol, this tiny nod to the first film and Wisniewski’s menacing aura are enough to get the anonymous character a spot on this list.

Sabine Moreau – Ghost Protocol (2011)

Calling her a henchwoman might get me shot: after all, the French assassin is just the contact of Ghost Protocol’s crazed main villain Kurt Hendricks (Michael Nyqvist). But Léa Seydoux’ character definitely steals the show: Sabine gets paid with diamonds (clearly her best friends) and doesn’t hesitate to shoot any IMF agent – or other harmless person – standing between her and the jewels. Moreau’s introduction scene has her dispatching poor IMF agent Trevor (Josh Holloway), establishing her as a force to be reckoned with. It also gives her a bone to pick with spy Jane Carter (Paula Patton) whose lover she just killed… The eventual brawl between these two verges a little into catfight territory, but Moreau’s subsequent demise – a nice, gentle little fall to the death down the Burj Khalifa – make her the best villain of M: I Ghost Protocol.

Janik Vinter “The Bone Doctor” – Rogue Nation (2015)

With a nickname like “The Bone Doctor”, villainy is pretty much guaranteed, but rogue agent Janik Vinter (Jens Hultén) takes it to a whole new level. While Rogue Nation doesn’t let us meet many members of terrorist network the Syndicate – entirely made of agents who have chosen the dark side – Vinter is definitely a memorable henchman. Employed by sociopathic leader Solomon Lane (Sean Harris), The Bone Doctor is a specialist of torture in all of its shapes and forms, and rejoices when he gets to use his skills on the great Ethan Hunt. Of course, Vinter isn’t successful, but he keeps his spirits high and doesn’t hesitate to wink at his enemies in a slightly sarcastic way. We all love a bad guy with a good sense of humour and an inflated ego, and when he gets to face amazing MI6 agent Ilsa Faust (Rebecca Ferguson) in a knife fight, things only get better!

Paris – Dead Reckoning (2023)

Her name might pay homage to a sophisticated magician from the original series, but Paris doesn’t go in for subtleties. As the right hand woman of bad guy Gabriel (Esai Morales), who works for a mysterious AI, she steals the show whenever she appears on screen. Played by the charismatic Pom Klementieff (yet another Frenchie!) the character is a nice nod to silent but lethal henchmen of old Bond films. A perfect badass, Paris revels in a fight, and uses her small frame to her advantage, taking down goons twice her size in confined spaces. But it’s her “fun-loving” personality which really sets her apart. Paris is having the time of her life chasing Ethan and thief Grace (Hayley Atwell) throughout Rome in an armored vehicle, and when she isn’t bashing skulls with fire extinguishers, you can find her drawing hearts on glass panels. So, it might seem a little surprising that the henchwoman undergoes a redemption arc – a rarity in the Mission: Impossible franchise. Spared by Ethan and left for dead by her former boss, Paris joins the right side and saves Ethan and Grace. Seeing how this newfound moral code gets mixed with her love of destruction an unpredictable nature will be one of the most exciting features of M: I 8. Here’s to hoping we’ll see Paris become even more of a badass then!

SXSW 2024: A Review of Jake Gyllenhaal’s ‘Road House’ Revival

Jake Gyllenhaal is no Swayze, but the new Road House still rocks!

I’m going to start this review by acknowledging that there is simply no universe where a Road House reboot starring Jake Gyllenhaal could even come close to living up to the awesomeness of the timeless original. 

Swayze and Gyllenhaal are about as far apart as two human beings could be, and no — Gyllenhaal’s Dalton is nothing close to Swayze’s iconic performance.

That being said, if you can ignore all of the sacrilege, the new Road House isn’t a bad action movie. It’s fun, it’s dumb, and Conor McGregor nearly steals the show completely anyway. So, if you like dumb, modern, ultimate action, then Road House might still be for you.

UAMC Reviews Road House (2024)

Making its premiere at the 2024 SXSW Film Festival, it certainly felt like the filmmakers and promoters of Road House were hoping that it would get a friendly boost before being released by Amazon MGM Studios via Prime Video on March 21, 2024.

And while the film could certainly use some favorable boosting as parts of it feel like they were barely picture-locked a few weeks ago, it’s overall a decent movie that doesn’t attempt to do much and handles its fights well enough to serve as an 80s/90s era action movie made today.

Gyllenhaal does seem to enjoy the role quite a bit. He doesn’t play Swayze per se, but he seems to feel like he’s a character from the same universe. But, you know, with a modern MMA tinge.

Not Trying to Beat the Original

The few things that stood out most to me from the premiere of Road House was that it didn’t feel like it was trying to “recreate” or “reboot” the original Road House too much. It also didn’t seem to be particularly well-thought-out in terms of script and direction at times, so it kind of gives an elevated DTV quality that’s powered mostly by Gyllenhaal and McGregor.

There’s no Sam Elliot replacement either, which is nice because I can’t think of anyone who could step into those shoes for the life of me. The love story is a bit similar though, and the main bad guy arc is about the same. However, both are different enough that I don’t think anyone will care one way or the other about the decision.

The biggest issue I might personally have with the film was the copious amount of CGI used in the fight scenes. Doug Liman is a solid and accomplished action director, so there are some pretty cool shots and sequences in the fights, but the CGI elements (like head hits and glasses breaking) all seemed to be just recently rendered, and of a quality that it’s hard not to notice when they’re inserted in.

Conor McGregor Feels Ultimate

Conor McGregor was also a huge bright spot for the film. For someone who is about as non-actor as a non-actor can be, he has an energy to him both on the screen and on the stage at the premiere. 

His character is an ambitious ball of energy in the film too with a very chaotic, almost Coen-y level of otherworldly-ness to him, that makes his scenes just super awesome and fun to follow just trying to guess what happens to him next.

If McGregor does want to continue acting, and his projects give him enough leeway to just be his goofy self in the films, I could see him being a rare action star who would have easily fit in with the ultimate generation of the 80s/90s.

How Ultimate is it?

All that being said, I think there was plenty enough to like about the film to enjoy the premiere, and would recommend checking it out on streaming. I’m not super into the world of MMA and UFC, but it seems to aim its sights at that fandom as well, which might introduce the original to a revival which could be cool.

Other than that, it’s not particularly terrible or too amazing, but certainly the ultimate action movie watch-worthy with friends over beer and pizza.

Conan the Destroyer: Arnold’s Badass and Cheesy Ultimate Fantasy Pulp

A look back at how Conan the Destroyer stacks up in the ultimate sword & sorcery action genre.

Conan the Barbarian still stands as an uncontested Sword & Sorcery masterpiece, and turbocharged Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career. In the 1985 sequel he returned to his role as legendary warrior. Conan the Destroyer did not achieve the heights of its predecessor and still delivered everything we could wish for in a classic fantasy adventure, so let’s have a look!

Conan (Schwarzenegger) strikes a deal with the unsavory queen Taramis who promises she can bring his beloved Valeria back to life. In return, he is to escort the princess Jehnna during her task to find and return the Horn of Dagoth, that has the power to awaken a god. Conan assembles a band of companions for an adventurous journey through a land full of dangers and wonder.

A return to the days of high adventure

This film is all about adventure and action. The plot really is just a series of set pieces, and almost no time is spent on world-building or character backgrounds. In that sense, Conan the Destroyer is more of a spiritual companion to early S&S cheese like Hawk the Slayer and the Sword and the Sorcerer, rather than the first Conan film. 

The production team sacrificed the brutal violence and crude sexuality of the first installment to earn a PG rating, even though the hot climate of Hyboria dictates that everyone shows lots of skin. Some silly moments and cheesy humor also reduce the immersion on occasion and help to make the film an easy-to-digest affair. 

The many Italian Conan rip-offs impressively demonstrated that it is hard to make a convincing S&S flick without a sizable budget. And thankfully producer Dino DeLaurentiis scraped enough money together to create a fantasy world on a massive scale. Veteran director Richard Fleischer, who created genre classics like The Vikings and 20000 Leagues under the Sea, also knew exactly how to put a ton of excitement on the screen. 

The classic 1980s indoor sets are of a lavish size that has fallen out of fashion in our times, and are a testimony to great craftsmanship and imagination. The outdoor cinematography is also awesome, with many panoramic shots of the endless steppe and towering mountains. The beautiful matte paintings of castles, ancient temples and wizard towers hugely contribute to the epic atmosphere. And Basil Poledouris returned to deliver a soundtrack that became a classic just like his compositions for the first film.

The princess must return with her virginity intact!

Conan’s attitude received a tonal shift compared the first film, he’s more talkative, and even cracks jokes. The comedic moments tend to be awkward sometimes, and so the aura of a mythical figure is transformed into that of a fairly generic action hero. The raw power of Schwarzenegger is complemented by the addition of two equally energetic actors without prior acting experience. Schwarzenegger is the undisputed star, but the biggest badass is Grace Jones as fellow warrior Zula, who radiates an incredible energy and ferocity. 

And former NBA superstar Wilt Chamberlain is perfect in his role as the towering Bombataa, who even makes Schwarzenegger look small. There is not much dynamics between the band of adventurers apart from corny humor and some futile romantic advances. The film also misses a charismatic villain, even though it is hard to equal the menacing presence of James Earl Jones as Thulsa Doom.

“I suppose nothing hurts you.” “Only pain.”

The action kicks in every five minutes, and warriors, wizards and monsters provide an endless supply of enemies to be fought. There’s sword battles galore, and Schwarzenegger gets plenty of opportunity to display his skills with the blade. With his almost inhuman physique, he naturally is the center of gravity in each fight and kicks serious ass as expected.

Choreography and editing usually were not the center of attention when shooting action scenes in the 1980s, but here it all looks pretty smooth for the most part. In the big finale the awakened god Dagoth takes the stage. This abomination is brought to life with amazing practical effects, and its Lovecraftian vibe may be an homage to Conan’s origins in the weird fiction genre.

Conan the Destroyer’s take on fantasy pulp is more true to the genre than the first film for better or worse. It delivers a constant stream of action, while often being badass and cheesy at the same time. It all comes together nicely into a fine piece of ultimate Sword & Sorcery action!

Top 10 Sword Fights in Action Movies

Ranking the best sword fights of all time in ultimate action movie history!

Action movies tend to go big with shootouts, car chases and explosions, but a well-staged sword fight can be just as exciting. So let’s sharpen our blades and dive into the top 10 sword fights in action movies!

10) Casey vs. Masazuka (Ninja)

Director Isaac Florentine’s homage to the 1980s ninja classics is one of his ultimate masterpieces, and with Scott Adkins he had a star who was on his way to become one of the great action heroes of our time. In the film’s showdown, Casey (Adkins) faces his arch enemy Masazuka who just poisoned Casey’s lover, and teases him with the antidote. The stakes are high and wounds are deep when these two warriors work their ninja magic.

9) Ash vs. Evil Ash (Army of Darkness)

The third installment of the Evil Dead saga cranked up the slapstick level of the previous films even more. Goofball Ash (Bruce Campbell) finds himself in a medieval world haunted by the Necronomicon. In the final battle, the forces of good lead by Ash clash with against the Deadites and their master Evil Ash. The two perform a fine swashbuckling choreography on castle stairs and walls until its fiery conclusion.

8) Nick vs. The Assassin (Blind Fury)

Zatoichi, the blind swordsman, is a famous character in Japan, and Hollywood’s take on it gave us one of the great cheesy 1980s actioners. Nick (Rutger Hauer) lost his eyesight in the Vietnam war, but still became a master swordsman. When he returns to the US, he learns that the son of his best platoon buddy was abducted by a crime lord. Nick slices and dices through many goons until he faces two master villains (among them Cannon ninja movie legend Sho Kosugi). Both are no match for Nick and his creativity in arranging their demise.

7) Robin Hood vs. Sheriff of Nottingham (Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves)

Kevin Costner is a fine choice as the 1990s version of Robin Hood, but this well-behaved hero almost pales in comparison to Alan Rickman’s manic performance as Robin’s nemesis. Just before the Sheriff forcibly consummates the marriage with Robin’s beloved Marian, the hero of Sherwood Forest spoils the party. The sheriff then turns into a hurricane of insanity, and leaves not a single piece of furniture unbroken before meeting his inevitable fate.

6) John Wick vs. Zero (John Wick 3)

Two warriors engage in a sword fight, but there is only one weapon. This premise for the showdown of the third part of the John Wick saga is orchestrated masterfully by director Chad Stahelski, and most impressively executed by Keanu Reeves and Marc Dacascos. In every John Wick film lighting becomes an art form, and the labyrinth of glass is lightened up with all colors of the neon rainbow when the deadly weapon changes its wielder every thirty seconds.

5) Maximus vs. Tigris (Gladiator)

Ridley Scott’s and Russell Crowe’s ultimate Sword & Sandal masterpiece features many epic arena fights, but the most badass one is Maximus’ (Crowe) face-off against the mighty gaul (Sven-Ole Thorsen). A ferocious battle begins, and Maximus is at a disadvantage not only because he takes it up against a heavily armored enemy, but also because three tigers are looking to get an afternoon snack.

4) Dragon vs. Evil Henchman (Tiger Cage 2)

The Tiger Cage films are gems of Donnie Yen’s early career, and showed us why he would go on to become one of the greatest martial arts actors of our times. A flimsy plot and cheesy jokes are only there to tie together the many action sequences. The sword fight between Dragon (Yen) and an evil sword master is the highlight of the film with an insane choreography that is executed perfectly. 

3) The Bride vs. The Crazy 88 (Kill Bill)

In his two Kill Bill films, Quentin Tarantino throws one awesome fight after another towards the audience, but the arguable highlight is the battle of The Bride (Uma Thurman) vs. the killer squad of the first film’s main antagonist O-Ren Ishii. It’s more of an absurd massacre than a serious sword fight, but the gory slapstick violence and wild editing will have you at the edge of your seat!

2) Cho vs. The Silver Ninja (Revenge of the Ninja)

The showdown between Cho (Sho Kosugi) and the ninja with the silver mask on the rooftop of a skyscraper is an iconic sequence of 1980s action cinema, and an ultimate highlight of Cannon’s ninja movie trilogy. Everything we could wish for in a ninja movie is here: mysterious eye shadow, nylon ninja suits, front and back flips galore, Shurikens, evil laughter, ninja magic and concealed flamethrowers. It all adds up to 10 minutes of legendary badassery!

1) Connor MacLeod vs. The Kurgan (Highlander)

There can be only one number one sword fight! Immortal Scotsman Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert) settles it once and for all with evil incarnate The Kurgan (Clancy Brown), who has haunted him though centuries. Neon lights and sparks brighten up the night, and turn the two warriors into silhouettes during their deadly dance. It’s thrilling, it’s stylish, it’s totally awesome!

The Masterful Action Fairy Tale That Was ‘Four Brothers’ (2005)

A look back at how John Singleton pulled off one of the most heartfelt action hits of the 2000s.

The late John Singleton catapulted himself to the forefront of African American cinema with the gritty cult flick Boyz n the Hood. From the 2000s on he would create more light-hearted material, starting with the Shaft remake that became an instant classic.  A few years later in 2005, he teamed up with rising star Mark Wahlberg to land another slam dunk. Four Brothers delivered a wild mix of social melodrama, revenge actioner and crime thriller, so let’s have a look!

In the suburbs of Detroit, Evelyn Mercer is killed in a seemingly random robbery. Her four adopted sons and former juvenile delinquents Bobby (Wahlberg), Angel, Jeremiah and Jack reunite for her funeral. Their pledge to track down Evelyn’s killers leads them deep into the criminal underworld and the highest circles of the Detroit municipality. 

Why would anybody wanna kill the sweetest woman in the goddamn world?

We can all empathize with the admirable efforts of a foster mother to straighten out four lost causes, and so her death hits even harder. The perseverance of the brothers intensifies the emotional impact of the story, as we embark on a roller coaster ride of sadness, anger and laughter with them. This may all sound a bit kitschy, but believe me, Four Brothers has an emotional sincerity that is rarely achieved in a genre flick. 

Detroit was not in good shape in the early 2000s. Singleton paints a picture of the city as a harsh place to grow up and live, but that people also love simply because it’s their home. The brothers’ many vivid encounters also casually give us a sampling of the social classes living in the city, and some insight in their daily struggles. Many scenes show us how fraud and greed became the nemesis of honest people trying to help their community, but also how the vigilante approach of the brothers efficiently disposes of organized crime and public corruption. 

Cops like you couldn’t find tits in a strip joint

Wahlberg always seems to be in his comfort zone when he partakes in films that mix action, drama and comedy. He gives one of the best efforts I’ve seen from him as likable anti-hero, who puts his old gangster skills to use for doing some good. He is not the only one delivering a supercharged performance, all of the brothers take us on a tour de force with striking performances from Tyrese Gibson, André Benjamin and Garrett Hedlund. 

Everyone in this film sits somewhere in the spectrum of criminal activity. At the dark end of it we got Victor Sweet (Chiwetel Ejiofor) and his goons as the major antagonist of the film, and he is charismatic and vile just like it should be, a villain we love to hate! And even the smaller roles are impressively brought to life their respective actors, the cast is a huge factor for why this film is so awesome.

You keep knocking on the devil’s door long enough, someone’s gonna answer you

The emotional moments and thriller elements are balanced perfectly with a couple of killer action scenes. The stakes are high and these fellas are used to violence. When they stir up a hornet’s nest lots of punching and shooting follows. The icy Michigan winter is a refreshingly different terrain for a car chase, with almost no friction on the ground and near-zero visibility, this sequence delivers pure excitement! And the tense and atmospheric finale on the frozen Lake Michigan is the perfect finish, and surprises with a strong commitment to labor unions.

Four Brothers is a movie that is really hard to not like. It features great storytelling, terrific action, and a great chemistry between the gang of brothers. Singleton created a masterful action fairy tale, that has become a unique and ultimate masterpiece!

The Best Bond Henchwomen: Ranking the Lethal Ladies of the 007 Saga

A look at our top picks for the most iconic female villains to match wits with James Bond.

The Craig era is now over, and while it gave us many cool characters, memorable henchmen have not been very present in the past few Bond films. Actually, neither have their female counterparts! As a fan of 007 villains, this does make me sad: evil ladies often have an amazing aura, and make for some of the best antagonists in the entire saga. Luckily, there are still plenty of henchwomen who opposed 007, and here are the most ultimate:

7) Rosa Klebb: From Russia with Love (1963)

Beware old ladies in action films: stern SPECTRE agent Rosa Klebb is no exception. The hidden poisonous blade in her shoe made history, and the henchwoman is the definition of an excellent villain. Klebb doesn’t joke about her job, and is very good at it: she manipulates Tatiana Romanova into getting the Lektor, a powerful decoding device. Klebb is not only a nasty piece of work – and therefore, an interesting henchwoman – but also one of the few female baddies who are known for their intelligence. Her devious and cunning nature proves that Blofeld knows how to choose his No. 3.  

6) Irma Bunt: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969) – Massive Spoilers below!

Another effective henchwoman of Blofeld – who clearly knows how to pick the right underlings – is Irma Bunt. She too is a humourless, professional woman, who rules Blofled’s unique Alpine “clinic” with an iron fist. But of course, what everyone remembers Bunt for is her terrifying victory: she gets the last laugh as she shoots James Bond’s wife Tracy straight into the head – on her wedding day, no less! The sequence still haunts many viewers, and we can “thank” Bunt for it.

5) May Day: A View to a Kill (1985)

In life, there are simple pleasures, and seeing the amazing Grace Jones in a Bond film is one of them. May Day is the right-hand woman of the insane Max Zorin, and can kill her way through anyone – even holding her own in front of Bond. A menacing force throughout the film (once Grace Jones stares at you, it’s over), it is her redemption arc which sets May Day apart from other characters on this list. We rarely see antagonists turning good in Bond films, hence why her change of heart after the betrayal of her boss feels so memorable. It instantly adds depth to her character, and while she sacrificed herself to save James, May Day lives in the heart of A View to a Kill’s fans.

4) Miranda Frost: Die Another Day (2002)

Sometimes, great villains help to make a good film even better. Other times, a great henchwoman can help to save an over-the-top mess. I might make enemies here, but Miranda Frost is the true villainess of Die Another Day: its mastermind Gustav Graves is both hammy and forgettable, and while Zao’s diamonds make for a great look, there is little depth to his character. It is Miranda Frost who really stands out among the chaos, thanks to the talent of Rosamund Pike. She was only 22 when shooting the film, yet Pike is fully believable as MI6’s cold-hearted little prodigy. Add fencing to the mix, and you get a memorable traitor who gives proper stakes to a tone-deaf movie. A little bonus – the character was supposed to be named Gala Brand, as an homage to the book version of Moonraker… but the screenwriters instead decided to highlight Frost’s cold nature!

3) Fiona Volpe: Thunderball (1965)

The OG of Bond femmes fatales – if one doesn’t count Pussy Galore – Fiona Volpe is a magnificent proper villain. What I mean by this is that she doesn’t need any sad excuse or tragic background story to justify her villainy: Volpe is evil to the core, point blank. Through her character, Thunderball shows us that women can also pose a real threat. Fiona and James have a brief fling, but despite Bond’s best efforts, nothing can get the motor-riding assassin to give up her job at SPECTRE – which she very much enjoys. Her death, during a lethal waltz, feels like a suitably glamorous and brutal end for this memorable femme fatale.

2) Fatima Blush: Never Say Never Again (1983)

I know Never say Never again has its fans – but to me, this unofficial and kitsch remake of Thunderball remains hard to watch. Its best quality is undeniably Fatima Blush, the film’s unhinged version of Fiona Volpe: Barbara Carrera chews up the scenery in the best way possible and manages to give Blush a distinct personality. SPECTRE’s Number 12 is unafraid of killing but wants her victims to know that she is the best lover before they pass away. If this sounds familiar, it’s because the character provided inspiration for Xenia Onatopp: Fatima Blush is the perfect reinvention of Volpe, and a modern take on the femme fatale. Her presence alone makes Never Say Never Again worth a watch!

1) Xenia Onatopp: GoldenEye (1995)

This first place won’t be a surprise for anyone, but Xenia Onatopp remains the most iconic henchwoman of the franchise – and is even a strong contender for the best villain! This insane former Soviet pilot has a knack for killing enemies with her thighs, and Famke Janssen’s over-the-top performance is perfect for the role. She is quite literally insanely believable as the most lethal henchwoman of the entire saga. Xenia’s aggressive behaviour and her love of thrills also make her an evil counterpart to Bond himself – who for once, regrets trying to seduce a woman. Onatopp is one of the best predators in the history of 007, and her lethality coupled with her killing method made the character a standout. To this day, she remains a fan favourite, and I’m willing to bet that not a single person who has seen GoldenEye has forgotten Xenia!

Battle Royale: The Classic Japanese Horror Film for Action Fans

It doesn’t get much more violent, or awesome, than the original Battle Royale (2000).

More than a year after recommending You’re Next to members of the Ultimate Action Movie Club, I’m back with another horror film which is perfect for action fans. Today isn’t Halloween, but every day is a good day to look at Kinji Fukasaku’s classic Battle Royale.

Released in 2000, the film is based on the eponymous novel and manga, and follows a classroom of unruly middle schoolers who are abducted by the State and forced to fight to the death in cruel game. In this dystopian universe, the Japanese government has chosen to fight fire with fire. Every year, the Battle Royale programme forces delinquent students to compete with each other on a remote island until only one of them is left standing – all of it under the eyes of the media, of course.

While many just see Battle Royale as the inspiration for the Hunger Games saga, action fans will be glad to know that there is more to the film than meets the eye, and it can be enjoyed for its reckless fighting and gruesome kills.

UAMC Reviews ‘Battle Royale’ (2000)

As you can guess from its last-man-standing plot, Battle Royale’s pace picks up very quickly, and the carnage never stops – side note, but owing to the film’s sensitive content (we are talking about teens killing each other after all), it is best reserved to mature audiences. In the movie, teenagers are assigned weapons at random – which means that a pot lid or an automatic gun could end up in your bag.

As expected, things go downhill quickly and awesome fighting ensues, as students have to choose between killing or being killed. Seeing Takako Chigusa (Chiaki Kuriyama) brutally dispatch a boy who harasses her with a switchblade strike to the crotch convinced Quentin Tarantino to cast her as the mythic Gogo Yubari in Kill Bill four years later! The film has an ensemble cast, but mostly follows the kind-hearted Shuya Nanahara (Tatsuya Fujiwara), who tries to protect his wounded crush, the shy, cookie-baking Noriko Nakagawa (Aki Maeda). They get some help from Shogo Kawada (Taro Yamamoto) – a transfer student who has already been through the games once, and falls into the “badass with a bandana” category.

The trio faces constant threats, ranging from small – a maths wiz – all the way to extremely serious – the machine-gun wielding Kazuo Kiriyama (Masanobu Ando), whose actor gives his best impression of the mix between a soulless psychopath and Johnny Rotten. Being a fan of women who fight, I obviously have a soft spot for class-murderer Mitsuko Souma (Ko Shibasaki), who does not hesitate to turn on her classmates the second she gets the chance, and puts her sickle to good use! 

How Ultimate is it?

The movie is a cult classic for a reason: some death scenes will stick with you for a while, such as the insane lighthouse shootout, which sees friends becoming paranoid and taking each other out. The frontier between gore and absurd has rarely been so thin! The violence of Battle Royale is totally over-the-top, but it is never meaningless: the film is one big metaphor, which denounces extreme competitiveness in the Japanese school system, the generational divide, and what the country does to its children. Twenty years later, it has not aged a day and still feels painfully relevant.

When it comes to editing and scenery, Battle Royale also offers some beautiful shots, making the most of its natural environment (though finding a good quality copy can prove a little tough). Kinji Fukasaku’s genius is most palpable when it comes to storytelling: we have all seen an action film filled with NPCs who got dispatched one after the other, with each seeming more bland and disposable than the next.

Battle Royale avoids this trap by developing the personality of a few core students and managing to keep its editing clear and seamless: somehow, we never feel lost in the island – or in the action. Most teenagers are still given some form of characterisation, and while some death scenes are nothing short of grotesque, others feel much more dramatic and melancholic. Controversial since its release, Battle Royale remains a brilliant exploration of violence and horror. Action fans will no doubt enjoy its iconic fight scenes, and the suitable amount of blood spurting out at every turn!