One thing Chuck Norris does better than any man is know how to cleverly quip with a lady…
There’s an entire generation of film watchers who know Chuck Norris as “the man who can dribble a bowling ball,” or the guy who “counted to infinity… twice.” While the endless Chuck Norris jokes on college dorm room walls are amusing, the action star’s work is worth more than the countless one liners surrounding his persona. Besides his ability to kick and punch with the best of them, his films are also full of great one-liners and witty comebacks.
One of his most underappreciated films is 1980’s The Octagon. A compelling drama about two young men who were trained to be ninjas before choosing different paths in life, the movie is full of action-packed fights and clever sayings. Playing the retired karate champion, Scott James, Norris turns in a classic against-all-odds performance. Without further ado, here are Chuck Norris’ best quips from The Octagon.
9) “You’re right about the smile. I’ll let you know about the rest later.”
AJ: That’s the kind of girl I’d like to settle down with. Pretty but not too pretty. Good body, nice smile. Good in bed. You can tell by the way she moves.
SCOTT JAMES: You’re right about the smile. I’ll let you know about the rest later.
This scene takes place after Scott James and his longtime friend, AJ, attend the dance recital of a young lady AJ is dating. Backstage the two of them spot a striking young lady who catches Scott’s eye. Ever the ladies’ man, Scott’s confidence is loud and clear with this statement.
8) “You’re not obligated to sit here and pretend nothing’s wrong either.”
SCOTT JAMES: You’re not obligated to tell me what’s bothering you. But you’re not obligated to sit here and pretend nothing’s wrong either.
You guessed it, Scott walked over to the girl at the recital and asked her out. Of course, she said yes. A man of Scott’s experience can always tell when something is bothering someone. His intuition puts the young lady at ease and serves as an icebreaker. Conversation between the two of them flows freely for the rest of the evening.
7) “You’ve always been good at convenient attitudes. I’m not.”
SCOTT JAMES: You’ve always been good at convenient attitudes. I’m not.
Unfortunately for Scott, there were ninjas waiting for he and his date when they walked into her apartment after dinner. Scott fought them off valiantly. He survived; unfortunately, his date did not. The next day, he runs into an old friend who tells him potential terrorists are being trained by ninjas. Scott feels a need to verify the facts before jumping to conclusion while his friend is ready to act without thinking. Scott’s one-liner reflects his calculated way of approaching a problem.
6) “Just trying to fall all over myself to please a beautiful woman.”
JUSTINE WENTWORTH: Aren’t you giving in too easily?
SCOTT JAMES: Just trying to fall all over myself to please a beautiful woman.
JUSTINE WENTWORTH: That’s rubbish.
SCOTT JAMES: Glad you recognized it.
SCOTT JAMES: How ‘bout having dinner with me tonight?
JUSTINE WENTWORTH: Does this mean that I’ve suddenly become the object for pity?
SCOTT JAMES: Concern.
Try as he may, Scott James just can’t stay out of trouble. After helping a damsel in distress with an unexpected car problem, he ends up needing a ride back to his own vehicle. Turns out, she’s not just any damsel, she the rich heiress, Justine Wentworth. What seems like a chance meeting turns into much more when the two of them are nearly chased off the road by renegades on the way to Scott’s car. After some clever maneuvering behind the wheel, Scott is able to guide them to safety. When Justine confesses that the men who killed her father are now after her, Scott asks her out in an effort to comfort her. His charm is irresistible.
5) “That’s an insult to both of us.”
JUSTINE WENTWORTH: Well, I had hoped to entice you into taking a personal interest into things.
SCOTT JAMES: That’s an insult to both of us. It makes me stupid and you a whore.
Before his evening with the lovely Ms. Wentworth can even begin, Scott puts together the pieces of the puzzle. The damsel in distress act was just that, an act. Ms. Wentworth planned her chance encounter with the infamous karate champion because she wanted him to help her fend off the men who killed her father and are now after her fortune. Her insinuation that she planned to make the endeavor worth his while offends Scott James’s sensibilities. He lays this one-liner on her before walking out the door of her mansion in disgust.
4) “I doubt it.”
JUSTINE WENTWORTH: I feel encouraged. I feel I’m looking in the right direction.
SCOTT JAMES: I don’t.
JUSTINE WENTWORTH: Ouch.
SCOTT JAMES: I doubt it.
Justine Wentworth is a woman who doesn’t take no for an answer. After being turned down at her mansion, she manages to find Scott at a local restaurant. She indicates that not only are her feelings for him are growing, but he’s also the man who can help her achieve a higher sense of purpose. Scott calls her bluff and shoots her down again.
3) “I love the way you just naturally downplay things.”
SCOTT JAMES: I love the way you just naturally downplay things.
During a meeting of the minds to discuss if Scott’s long-lost brother is training terrorists or mercenaries, his friend determines there’s not much difference between the two and it doesn’t matter. Scott clearly does not agree.
2) “You wanted a man for this mission, and now you’ve got one!”
SCOTT JAMES: The why’s and wherefor’s don’t matter. You wanted a man for this mission, and now you’ve got one!
Scott utters these words during yet another heated exchange with Justine Wentworth. She has managed to seduce Scott’s friend AJ, only to then suggest that he’s not the half the man Scott is. Determined to prove her wrong, AJ sets out on a mission to find Seikura and put a stop to his underground training camp for ninjas. When Ms. Wentworth tells Scott that AJ has gone missing, Scott responds in disgust. The decision has been made for him; he must now locate and fight his long-lost brother.
1) “Forget it. I’ll loan you my shampoo.”
SCOTT JAMES: Forget it. I’ll loan you my shampoo.
As luck would have it, Scott has become friends with a defector from Seikura’s camp. He allows her to sleep on his couch. When word gets to him that Seikura’s training ground has been located, Scott knows time is of the essence. He tells his new companion they must go confront Seikura right away. When she protests that she needs to grab personal items before heading on the mission, Scott insinuates her beauty routine will have to be put on pause until the mission is complete.
The Octagon is a must see for any action movie fan. If you haven’t seen it, take a trip to Blockbuster and rent a copy on VHS for a dollar. On your way home, stop at the arcade and play a game of Pac-Man to get yourself psyched up. Before you pop in the tape, play “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen on your record player.
No, the song isn’t connected with the movie, but the rhythm will put you in the right from of mind to watch Chuck Norris beat up a gang of ninjas. Now walk through those curtain beads hanging from the doorway and grab a seat on the sofa. Pop in the tape and get ready for a wild ride, 1980 style.