Rambo III: Stallone’s Perfectly Choreographed Ballet of Destruction

By
Thomas Krebs
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A look at how Rambo III stands tall as Stallone’s pinnacle of blockbuster macho action cinema!

The Rambo saga defined the one-man army genre and Rambo III was its preliminary culmination in 1988. In the year when Die Hard shifted the baseline for what it meant to be a modern action film, Sylvester Stallone made no concessions. So let’s check out how it holds up today!

John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) lives a secluded life in Thailand. His former commander Trautman seeks him out and asks Rambo to join an undercover mission in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan. Rambo refuses, but when Trautman is captured, he goes into the country to rescue him from a division of Spetsnaz operatives.

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God would have mercy. He won’t.

Rambo: First Blood Part II removed any sense of realism from the Rambo character. It turned the traumas of veterans into R-rated popcorn cinema, and the third part hits in the same vein. We can criticize Rambo’s transformation from tormented soldier to a superhuman killing machine for the CIA, but let’s not to be too harsh, there’s nothing wrong with a full dose of patriotic kitsch as long as it’s entertaining.

The USA and Afghanistan have a difficult relation since the early 1990s, to put it mildly. You will need to fade out this part of history at least for the duration of the film if you really want to enjoy it, as the plot really lays it on thick when portraying the Mujahideen as heroic freedom fighters who are besties with Uncle Sam.

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“Who are you?” “Your worst nightmare.”

Stallone is at its physical best, looking inhumanely jacked and doing many impressive stunts himself. Never relenting, Rambo seems to get more exhausted from speaking than from firing machine guns from the hip. Despite not being strictly serious all the time, Rambo III’s martial one-liners were sincere bad-ass statements back in the Reagan era (and also now).

The first third of the movie has the flair of an adventure film, with panoramic shots of a desert spectacular landscape, and Rambo getting acquainted with the local rebels and their customs. After that, we step onto a rollercoaster that spirals completely out of control. A suspenseful camp infiltration sequence escalates into all-out war between Rambo, Trautman and the squad of Russian elite soldiers who have several tanks and helicopters at their disposal. 

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“This is not your war.” “It is now.”

The budget was huge, and it was spent well for jaw-dropping action sequences of a scale, depth and clarity that is almost unsurpassed to this day. John Rambo is a master of explosives, the Russians not so much, even though everything they shoot at explodes as well. This results in a pyrotechnics inferno with explosions on a megalomaniacal scale. And there’s more: plenty of shootouts, vehicular carnage and the massive Soviet Hind helicopter hovering over the battlefield like a behemoth in a monster movie, raining death on the battlefield.  

Rambo III delivers a massive overdose of 1980s cliches, but we should appreciate its sincerity, and it never becomes cheesy apart from a few moments. It has the best action sequences of all films in the franchise, even though it can’t compete with the over-the-top gore of the fourth installment. Stallone created a pinnacle of blockbuster macho cinema, a perfectly choreographed ballet of destruction.

How ‘Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny’ Re-Introduces Itself to Younger Audiences

By
Iron Fist
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The original and best action hero of the 1980’s is back. 1981’s Raiders of the Lost Ark is quite simply the greatest movie ever put to celluloid and gave us the greatest character of pop culture in Indiana Jones. Out of the mind of George Lucas came an adventure of what we were told the serials of the 1930’s were. It was directed by Steven Spielberg, who just got turned down for the second time to direct a James Bond movie. The stars aligned  to give us a two fisted, gunfighting, whip cracking, globe trotting adventurer that is part scoundrel and all action hero. So how does Indy hold up in his fifth movie in the series, The Dial of Destiny, in this modern age of moviegoers?

An Ultimate Review of Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

The first twenty minuted featuring a de aged Indy belong in the best parts of the original trilogy. Set at the close of the war in 1945, the Nazis are looting everything they can get their hands on including a train full of ancient artifacts that belong in a museum. Indy and his compatriot Basil Shaw played by Toby Jones have infiltrated their ranks in pursuit of the Spear of Destiny, the lance that pierced Christ’s side as he hung on the cross. Disguised as a Nazi wearing a uniform with a suspicious bullet hole where the heart should be, Indy gets captured, tortured and escapes as he makes his way aboard a speeding train bound for Germany. Also on board is a Nazi rocket scientist named Voller played by Mads Mikkelsen, who is after another artifact on the train called the Dial of Destiny that is supposed to give its owner god like powers. The pursuit of the two ancient artifacts collide atop the train. When a Nazi draws a bead on Professor Jones and his whip comes out of nowhere to level the playing field, you know the outcome has all but been been guaranteed as Indy wins his fight against a train full of Nazis and the Allies go on to win the war.

Now we cut to 1969 and find that history has not treated our favorite adventurer well. Society has stopped looking to the past for answers as it looks to the stars after the first moon landing. Indy is drinking himself to sleep every night in his tiny apartment, surrounded by the counterculture as Marion is in the process of divorcing him and he is about to retire knowing his best days are long since behind him. Into his life walks his goddaughter Helena Shaw, whom he hasn’t seen in eighteen years. She shares her fathers Basil’s obsession with the dial in the same way Indy shared his father’s obsession with the Grail. Years ago, Indy promised to destroy the half he possessed. It turns out Indy couldn’t bring himself to do it and has it hidden  among all the relics he recovered over the years. When he digs it out, Helena is joined by none other then Voller, whose now working for NASA as a rocket scientist- and his Nazi goons. It turns out Voller never stopped looking for the dial and didn’t know who that daring adventurer atop the train that defeated him to claim the dial was. And Helena just lead him right to the dial.  But then Helena reveals her true colors and betrays Indy and leaves him behind to be killed as she grabs the dial and takes off with everybody in pursuit and this movie is off to the races.

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Phoebe Waller-Bridge as Helena Shaw

So let’s address the elephant in the room in Phoebe Waller-Bridge and her birthmark’s  portrayal of Helena Shaw. She is the Jar Jar Binks of the Indy franchise. And this from a franchise that once gave us the perfect girlfriend in Marion Ravenswood and then went on to prefect the irritating female sidekicks in Willie Scott and Elsa Schneider. She is the grave robber to Indy’s professor of archeology with the intention  to sell the artifacts to the highest bidder on the black market. She is so unlikable a character she left Indy behind to be killed and we are expected to grow to like this character? Can she handle taking over an action franchise? Well, watch her run across a rooftop and you’ll have your answer. And I can assure you that it is safe to go see this movie as the rumored scene where she spins the dial and becomes Indiana Jones and takes over the franchise was not in this cut. But look at the finale and don’t tell me it wasn’t a hasty reshoot based on negative screenings. Hopefully Kathleen Kennedy doesn’t follow trough on her threat to spin this character off into her own franchise. But she does manage to move this story along.

As far as the action is concerned, Indy is showing his age as you would expect. At one point, even he is complaining about his knees and shoulders and getting shot seven times. An escape from the Nazis across the streets of New York is followed be a tut tut chase across Tangiers leads to Scuba diving off the coast of Greece and finally trough a fissure in time as the dial is finally  fired up. Another of my issues with this movie is why Indy doesn’t access a firearm until the final act. Is this another capitulation to the writers antipathy to the second amendment?  Because a couple of gunfights would have led to a much needed shot of adrenaline to this movie.

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But How Ultimate is it?

I would also like to address why Hollywood feels the need to emasculate our action heroes of old.  Look what they did to Luke and Han in the Star Wars sequels. Wolverine was reduced to laying low and changing Professor X’s diapers. As if Linda Hamilton wasn’t enough, the Terminator even had to be flanked by another female sidekick. John Wick was a suicidal sad sack until they killed his dog. Hell, even James Bond was closing down the bars before they flat out murdered him in his last adventure. Hasn’t Hollywood figured out these characterizations just are not resonating with audiences? Sadly, this Indy movie isn’t going to find any new fans in this generation of moviegoers. But maybe pop culture can finally be rid of the curse that is Kathleen Kennedy over at Lucasfilm and bring the Star Wars franchise back from the brink of extinction.  

Let’s give Indy a rest before the inevitable reboot with probably Chris Pratt as the new Indy. I don’t know about the rest of you but I could set trough a new Crystal Skull every three years I so love this character. And the Indy movies have always given him the best endings. From riding off into the sunset to marrying the love of his life. Dial of Destiny continues that trend.  So buckle up and enjoy the final ride and make it your mission in life to introduce the younger generation to the history of Professor Henry Jones Jr.

Guns Akimbo: The Ultimate Macabre Promise of Jason Lei Howden

By
Thomas Krebs
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An insane adrenaline rush that successfully bridges the gap between modern and old-school action.

Social media can be bad for us, who wouldn’t agree. But an app that allows you to watch deadly duels between insane criminals live on your phone is unthinkable, right? Jason Lei Howden, who landed an incredible debut with the horror action comedy Deathgasm, embraced this macabre promise and created Guns Akimbo from it. Let’s check out if his sophomore film delivered the goods for action aficionados!

Miles (Daniel Radcliffe) doesn’t get much excitement out of his life apart from “trolling the trolls” on the user forum of Skizm, a criminal organization that broadcasts videos of armed killers going against each other in the city. His online efforts earn Miles a visit from the Skizm crew, and a few hours later he wakes up with two guns bolted to his hands. He is forced to join the game, and put up against Nix (Samara Weaving), a coke-sniffing, trigger-happy maniac.

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We’re Gonna be the Starbucks of Murder, the McDonalds of Massacre!

The overarching plot is a variation of the Running Man scenario, that is updated with some scathing commentary on the state of people’s minds in the age of social media. The modern gladiators go for likes, and the hate-filled online abyss is the perfect place for Skizm to conduct its business, where the worst things are just a click away. 

The audience laughs at the losers, admires the winners, but above all, craves the killings. In a time where almost everything you can find online has become mundane, watching the Skizm matches becomes are rare source of true excitement. The film moves at such a breakneck speed, though, that you won’t get much time to reflect on all this, maybe in a second viewing. 

Radcliffe is great as mild-mannered IT nerd, who gets a whole load of unflattering millennial cliches attached to his character. The vegetarian, oversensitive and unassertive Miles is a fan of old-school action movies, and enthusiastically pitches the comic book character Man-Man to his girlfriend.

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You could go dick shot, then head shot, then dick shot, mix it up a little

These contradictory attitudes are suddenly resolved when he forcibly gets a huge boost in manliness by having two loaded guns bolted to his hands. While being great for quickly killing lots of adversaries, the transformation is not convenient for normal life activities. This gives rise to many practical jokes, when Miles tries to use his phone, put on his pants, or goes on the potentially castrating endeavor of using the toilet.

Psycho killer Nix is the antithesis to Miles, and Samara Weaving nails her character with a fantastically extrovert performance. This cynical bad-ass is the real action hero(ine) of this film. Miles’ and Nix’ interactions are terrific, two worlds that clash violently, but slowly converge towards each other as the film progresses. 

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I’ll sit you down nice and easy, and then shoot you in the fucking brain stem

Nothing is subtle about this film, definitely not the action. The many shootouts are filmed with hyper-fast and furious editing in the vein of classics such as Crank and Hardcore Henry. Nix and Miles kill hooded minions by the dozens, and thanks to the comic-style violence we get lots of laughs out of people dying in incredibly bloody ways, at least I did. Nothing is really groundbreaking regarding the action sequences, but they are shot with a lot of creativity and quirky visuals. The industrial setting, a dark neon look, and a Synthwave/Industrial Rock soundtrack create the perfect vibe for all the mayhem.

With Guns Akimbo, Howden created an insane adrenaline rush that successfully bridges the gap between modern and old-school film-making featuring brutal action, corny jokes, and traces of food for thought.

Mission Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One Review: Another Mission Accomplished

By
Josephine Aulnois
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Warning: this article contains major spoilers for Dead Reckoning Part One

Reviewing a movie which lasts close to three hours is no mean feat: Mission: Impossible Dead Reckoning Part One is filled to the brim with fights, chases, characters and more characters. Here, we follow Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) and his team as they face an AI gone rogue, nicknamed the Entity, and Gabriel – an enemy from Ethan’s past – who serves it. Throw into the mix some CIA agents, a group of arms dealers led by the returning White Widow (still masterfully played by Vanessa Kirby) and a pickpocket named Grace (Hayley Atwell), all looking for the key to control the Entity. Add in a bonkers car chase in Rome, a motorcycle cliff jump which took 500 skydives to practice, shake well and enjoy!

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One step forward…

Yes, all of the elements of the M: I formula are present, and for his third outing as director, Christopher McQuarrie proves that he has mastered it. The action scenes are simply breathtaking, and varied enough for viewers to not feel like they are watching the same sequence five times in a row. A special mention goes to the car chase in Rome, which features a handcuffed Ethan and Grace trying to escape through the city in a yellow Fiat 500 (Bond fans will be reminded of Four Your Eyes Only’s yellow 2CV). Hot on their trail is Pom Klementieff as Paris, the villain’s right hand woman, who has a blast running over as many cars a possible with her Hummer (and is a pure maniacal delight throughout the film).

As expected, the set pieces are nothing short of amazing and immersive. Behind the scenes footage really outlines the effort put into bridging the gap between reality and fiction, in order to make the action as palpable as possible (the crew built a real train just to derail it!), and this can be felt on screen. The movie’s cinematography remains as good as in the previous two instalments, with interesting changes in colouring as the characters embark on their journey.

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…and one step back

While Dead Reckoning totally delivers in the thrills department, its plot isn’t as tight: Fallout was especially well structured, with every team member playing a part in the main mission. Conversely, Dead Reckoning struggles to introduce all of its (ever more) numerous characters and give them something to do, and has to resorts to flashbacks. The M: I saga has never been renowned for its dialogues, but they feel really expository here – sometimes slowing down an otherwise good pacing. The one who suffers the most from this “bloating” of the plot is the main antagonist, Gabriel. The villain completely disappears behind the all powerful (and vaguely defined) AI. It’s a shame, as Esai Morales brings a threatening aura to the character, but he is never properly developed.

Of course, the most divisive plot point of the film will Ilsa Faust’s death. Played by Rebecca Ferguson, the mysterious agent seemingly meets her end at the hands of Gabriel in Venice – a demise which angered a lot of M: I fans who loved this badass spy. While Ilsa’s character arch did come to an end (she seemed to be close to joining the team in Fallout, and has skills which are very similar to Ethan’s) her death does feel quite underwhelming. It doesn’t do justice to her fighting abilities, and has little impact on the plot, as she is quickly “replaced” by Grace. Hopefully Part Two will bring us some proper closure on the matter – whether Ilsa’s death is confirmed or not. 

This feeling of a cheap feminine replacement – not an aspect of the old Bond movies that needed to be copied – doesn’t help Grace to start off on the right foot, but Hayley Atwell still steals the show: she is neither an ultra-competent spy, nor a powerless damsel in distress, and feels believable as a charming thief trying to make her way out of a web of lies.

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Going full circle

No matter which of his three entires is your favourites, Christopher McQuarrie can be praised for trying new things every time: after Rogue Nation’s neo-noir style and Fallout’s sober elegance, Dead Reckoning gets back to the franchise’s roots. It definitely has more jokes and a goofier atmosphere than the past two instalments – and can be compared to Ghost Protocol. But most of all, McQuarrie and his team offer some subtle (and not so subtle) hints that the film is tied to Brian De Palma’s first entry in the franchise. From the omnipresent Dutch angles to the magic tricks, going through Ethan losing a loved one on a bridge and meeting Eugene Kittridge (Henry Czerny), the film is filled with smart homages to the first M: I. Even Lorne Balfe’s main theme sounds more similar to the original this time around!

What can we make of this? Well, Tom Cruise has expressed interest in making more Mission: Impossible films after the second part of Dead Reckoning, but it does seem like this adventure will be (at the very least) the end of Ethan’s character arch as we know it.

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A mission you should choose to accept

Let’s conclude with the movie’s ending: the film smartly avoids the usual cliché of having a part one ending with a victory for the villain – which can leave viewers feeling dissatisfied. Instead, it does feel like its stands on its own two feet and offers a story which – while not as compelling as Fallout – will take your breath away in several instances. Dead Reckoning was made for the big screen. Tom Cruise has never hidden his intention to bring viewers back into cinemas, and Dead Reckoning’s stellar action makes it the perfect summer blockbuster for it. When it comes to judging it as a M: I movie and not as a regular action flick, the film can feel like a step-down, but remains highly enjoyable. Some of its issues could also be corrected by Part Two, but in the meantime, the first half of the mission is complete. Dead Reckoning Part One is both a great action flick and another solid entry in the M:I franchise.

Nature on the Rampage: When Deadly Insects Haunted the Cinema Screen 

By
Ultimate Action Movies
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We sometimes take for granted that certain aspects of human life are dictated by the fictitious events we witness in movie theaters. Were people afraid of sharks before Jaws? Sure, but only to an extent. Spielberg’s 1970s masterpiece, as well as the novel it was based on, brought the idea of a shark attack home, causing many of us to fear what lay beneath the water. 

National Geographic took aim at this phenomenon, pointing out that shark deaths (about nine per annum) are about ten percent of the rate of deaths by jellyfish globally and just a tiny fraction of the deaths caused by fishing accidents (200,000 annually). If you want to take it further: Note that you have more chance of being killed by your doctor’s bad handwriting than a shark. But Jaws captured our imagination, and thus provided an outsized fear relevant to the threat. 

The 1970s saw nature on the rampage cinema 

Killer Bees (1974) - ALL HORROR

While Jaws is more of a fable than a movie about a shark, it is no coincidence that it arose in the fertile ground of 1970s, when movie-makers had a penchant for terrifying audiences with all kinds of threats from animals, particularly insects. Often B-movies, the appetite of audiences seemed to be insatiable, and we might argue that many of these movies help shape the phobias we have today. 

Perhaps most pointedly, there was the raft of ‘bee’ movies that hit screens (both in theaters and television) in the 1970s, including Killer Bees (1974), The Savage Bees (1976), The Bees (1978), and The Swarm (1978). These movies vary in quality. The Bees is considered a cult classic, whereas The Swarm, which has an ensemble cast that includes Michael Caine and Henry Fonda, has been voted one of the worst movies ever made. The Swarm actually features in a Wikipedia page dedicated to collating the worst films ever, sitting alongside contemporary titles like Movie 43 and That’s My Boy. 

The humble bee has been rehabilitated 

Nonetheless, the use of bees so frequently in the 70s is interesting because we can largely say that the bee has been rehabilitated as a threat. Right now, we are more likely to see positive depictions of bees fostered by documentaries like Colony. Animated films like Bee Movie or honey and bee games like Beellionaires are more likely to be on your cultural radar than killer bees. Why? Well, one might argue that the rehabilitation of the bee is linked to global campaigns to stress bees’ environmental importance. The little guys were always misunderstood, and cinema is now catching up with that. 

The point about the bees is that our perceptions can change. Right now, as we see news reports of orcas attacking boats, you can be sure that a screenwriter somewhere is picking up the idea of orcas as antagonists, whereas we were always informed by the cinema that they were our friends. In the 1970s, the antagonists were so often insects. Bees came out on top in terms of frequency, but they were closely followed by ants, which appeared in films like Phase IV (1974), Empire of the Ants (1977), and It Happened at Lakewood Manor (1977).

The spider is relatively new as a cinema threat

Arachnophobia' Remake in the Works With Amblin Partners - Variety

Perhaps surprisingly, spiders appeared as antagonists in very few movies of the 1970s. The only major release with eight-legged threats was Kingdom of the Spiders (1977), which starred Captain Kirk himself, William Shatner. The film made a fair impact on audiences, but its biggest legacy is arguably inspiring Archanaphobia (1990), of which Spielberg was one of the producers, incidentally. 

Arachnophobia feels both like a homage to the era of 1970s “nature on the rampage” cinema (as the sub-genre is called) and the final act of this type of film. Sure, there are attempts at reviving the genre, including parodies like Lavantuala and Sharknado. But the fabulistic storytelling has been largely replaced by the promotion of action, horror, or comedy. Nature on the rampage, nor insect attacks, won’t die off completely on screen, but the impact of killer bees, giant ants, and other dastardly bugs, was most felt in the 1970s, warping our perceptions of the insect world for generations. 

The Ultimate Bad Guys? Ranking the Top 5 Mission: Impossible Villains

By
Josephine Aulnois
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A good action franchise like Mission: Impossible needs not only one, but many memorable villains to make us feel like the threat persists over several movies. The upcoming Dead Reckoning will be featuring Esai Morales as Gabriel, a mysterious antagonist who has no qualms about putting Ethan Hunt and all of his teammates in danger. Morales’ fans were thrilled to see him land the role, and should Gabriel live up to the hype, he will be one more interesting villain in a saga full of cool antagonists. As we await the seventh installment, here is a ranking of Mission: Impossible’s five best villains. This list doesn’t include the sidekicks and secondary antagonists (they deserve their own ranking), or morally ambiguous characters like the White Widow – only the unabashedly evil masterminds belong here!

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5) Kurt Hendricks – Ghost Protocol (2011)

Kicking off the list is Ghost Protocol’s Kurt Hendricks, an over-the-top terrorist played by Michael Nyqvist: the perfect villain in what is arguably the franchise’s funniest episode (so far). The Swedish man known as Cobalt is a genius nuclear scientist, who also proves quite apt at designing complex plans. When he isn’t framing the IMF for his misdeeds, Kendricks enjoys negotiating his way out of any situation and dreaming about a worldwide nuclear conflict. Cobalt’s final fight against Ethan solidifies him as a strong antagonist, and it is only Ghost Protocol’s villainous overload which prevents Kurt Hendricks from being ranked higher on this top 5.

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4) August Walker/John Lark – Fallout (2018)

Having two main antagonists – a villainous hydra, if you will – in just one action film is no small challenge, and Fallout’s duo of bad guys deserves specific praise. Its first half is the traitorous anarchist August Walker, who was off to a good start with an actor like Henry Cavill. This moustachioed villain totally delivered: Cavill is excellent as Hunt’s doppelgänger, and his charisma and fighting skills make him a really unforgettable antagonist. His climatic fight against Ethan on the edge of a cliff, which involves machine guns, helicopters, and acid, is brutal perfection. Walker is even a great source of inspiration for memes (type “Fallout arms reload” in Google and see for yourself), and the only reason why he isn’t higher up on the list is because his betrayal seemed a tad too obvious.

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3) Owen Davian – Mission Impossible III (2006)

Entering the top 3 with a bang is Owen Davian (the brilliant Philip Seymour Hoffman), an arms dealer with a sadistic streak, who faces Ethan in the third movie. Davian’s ruthlessness earns him a place in the pantheon of M: I villains: while he isn’t the only cold-hearted murderer of the franchise, he is definitely the one who takes the most pleasure in toying with his victims – and he enjoys taunting Hunt about the pain inflicted. Davian’s introductory scene is simply iconic, as he threatens Ethan’s wife Julia and categorically refuses to negotiate. While there is an even darker villain at the top of this list, Owen Davian still takes the cake as the most sadistic mastermind of the franchise, owing to his unmatched love of psychological torture.

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2) Jim Phelps/Job – Mission Impossible (1996)

Some great villains are even cooler in context: putting the first evil mastermind of the franchise high up on the list might seem obvious, but it is well-deserved. Turning Jim Phelps (Jon Voight) into a bad guy was an extremely bold move on the screenwriters’ part. Once the hero of the beloved series, Phelps was revealed to have offed his own teammates and even his wife after the end of the Cold War pushed him over the edge. Job’s real identity remains obscure for the two-thirds of the film, but Phelps’ final showdown against Hunt is worth the wait. Job isn’t the franchise’s most badass or impressive villain, but the extent of his betrayal and his former role as Ethan’s mentor make their brawl a lot more personal and interesting to watch. Phelps’ double-crossing is still iconic twenty-seven years after the film’s release, and since it’s unlikely that Cruise will betray the IMF in M: I Dead Reckoning, it remains the coolest plot twist in the franchise.

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1) Solomon Lane – Rogue Nation (2015) and Fallout (2018)

Unsurprisingly, the only returning antagonist of the franchise tops this list: Sean Harris, an actor mostly known for his roles in TV shows (and who had explicitly asked for his character to die in Rogue Nation!) is evil mastermind Solomon Lane, a deformed reflection of Ethan Hunt and leader of crime organisation The Syndicate. From a screenwriting perspective, a good villain needs to have a unique relationship with the hero: looking for the same MacGuffin is fine enough, but truly great antagonists are the ones who force heroes to question their own beliefs and perspectives.

As a former MI6 agent, Lane’s anarchist tendencies and his lack of respect for human life perfectly mirror Ethan’s blind dedication to his cause. His nihilistic views almost drive Hunt to madness, and their relationship in Fallout gets even more interesting: the mirror effect is reversed, and this time, it is Lane who has a personal grudge against the super spy who locked him up. Solomon Lane’s intelligence and ability to design plans which easily outmatch the IMF already made him worthy of the top 5. Coupled with Sean Harris’ creepy behaviour and sarcastic politeness, they really make Lane the franchise’s most memorable bad guy.

Ranking the Dungeons & Dragons Movies

By
Thomas Krebs
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The best D&D movies based on their ultimate action merits.

The Dungeons & Dragons tabletop role-playing game has evolved from a niche product into a global franchise. A world where adventure awaits around every corner is a great template for an excursion into the movie realm. Four films have been made to date, and despite some huge quality gaps between them they all are chock-full with action and excitement, so let’s have a look at our ranking of the D&D movies!

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4) Dungeons & Dragons (2000)

The first take on the franchise became a memorable experience for better or worse. The rogue Ridley and his companions take on a dangerous quest to retrieve a magic scepter that allows its bearer to control dragons. The evil archmage Profion (Jeremy Irons) sends his warlock Damodar (Bruce Payne) after the relic, and a dangerous race begins.

The film looks like a practice run for an actual movie. The quality of the sets oscillates between lavish and a Halloween store decoration, the same goes for the costumes. I’ve also heard that some people became blind after seeing the CGI. Jeremy Irons and Bruce Payne deliver total lunacy in their roles and are hugely entertaining, but the rest of the cast can’t keep up with them.

But where there’s shadow, there’s also some light. The film is colorful and action-packed with lots of fights and wizardry. In its best moments it evokes the spirit of classic Sword & Sorcery cheese like Hawk the Slayer. Dungeons and Dragons often feels improvised just like a typical D&D session, so maybe it actually is the most faithful adaptation of its source material? Decide for yourself if you dare! 

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3) Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness (2012)

The third Dungeons & Dragons film is named after an infamous sourcebook about playing evil characters which was the final proof for many people that D&D is a satanic murderous cult indeed.  The priest Grayson joins a band of evil mercenaries that are trying to find the pages of the Book of Vile Darkness for the sorcerer Shathrax. Grayson seeks to get close to Shathrax so that he can free his father but his journey becomes a path into darkness.

We don’t often get a band of murderous psychos as main protagonists in a fantasy film, and while many of their mischievous undertakings come across as contrived, there are some interesting moments of unnecessary cruelty. There’s plenty of action of modest quality at best, and the variety of monsters and magic is a bit on the low side. The film has the unique selling point of featuring the fastest finale in movie history, the curtain falls abruptly after a thirty second showdown. The Book of Vile Darkness is DTV fodder, but D&D fans and Sword & Sorcery aficionados should not be disappointed.

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2) Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God (2005)

The first D&D film fortunately did not completely destroy the reputation of the franchise, and we got a second installment that dialed down the cheese factor drastically. The undead wizard Damodar (Bruce Payne) plans to awaken an ancient dragon god and destroy the kingdom of Izmir. His machinations are noticed by Lord Berek of Izmir, who assembles a party of heroes with the task of finding Damodar’s hideout and stop him.

This time more care was taken to create a consistent tone and visuals for a more immersive atmosphere. There’s some fun banter between our heroes as they travel through the beautiful forests and hills of Lithuania. Damodar’s underground fortress is a giant escape room with plenty of traps and puzzles. The fights look good with lots of different monsters, some of them made with atrocious CGI, however, like a foul echo of the first film. Wrath of the Dragon God is a quirky fantasy adventure that manages to capture the spirit of its source material.

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1) Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

Welcome to the days of endless adventure! A D&D session should be full of excitement and plenty of laughter, and the 2023 revival of the franchise for the big screen delivers just that! Bard Edgin (Chris Pine) and his companions visit their old partner in crime Forge Fitzwilliam (Hugh Grant), who has become lord of the city of Neverwinter, and who keeps a relic in his vault that can bring Edgin’s wife back from the dead. Their reunion turns into betrayal, and the band of heroes must embark on an epic quest that will determine the fate of the city.

Honor Among Thieves jumps in at full speed and never relents. The jokes land, the world-building is done casually and the action rocks! Chris Pine is fantastic, and the whole cast brings their charming characters to life with energetic and sincere performances. Every five minutes there’s a fight or other perilous situation, and the many battles and brawls pack a serious punch. Honor Among Thieves is a crowd-pleaser in the best sense, and let’s hope that this is not the last we see from the fantastic world of Faerûn.

Why You Should See Bullet Train — an Ultimate Action Blockbuster

By
Josephine Aulnois
-

As we await Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning, this summer’s biggest action blockbuster, and while we’re still recovering from John Wick 4 (or Fast X, depending on your taste!), it’s time to revisit a film from last year: Bullet Train, starring Brad Pitt among many, many other actors. This 2022 American flick by David Leitch is adapted from the eponymous novel, and features Ladybug (Pitt), an overly sensitive assassin who finds himself stuck aboard a Japanese Shinkansen (bullet train) filled with badass killers. Think Train to Busan with mobsters instead of zombies! Bullet Train is no action masterpiece, which probably explains why many critics weren’t especially enthusiastic about it (some even called it brainless), but it is creative and fun. I see it as a nice amuse-bouche: it won’t satiate your hunger for action movies, but it is a perfect watch while awaiting the next big film.

Daniel Bernhardt in Sheldon Lettich’s ‘Perfect Target’ (1997)

Brad Pitt’s ultimate wild ride

Bullet Train’s premise is simple enough, but it offers to director David Leitch (known to action fans for Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2 and Hobbs and Shaws) an opportunity to deliver two hours of pure, unbridled chaos. The film’s unique setting makes it worth a watch: aboard the bullet train, everything is cute and weird all at once, starting with the Japanese remix of Stayin’ alive which blasts through the opening credits. The story also makes the most of some iconic aspects of Japanese culture, from the improbably adorable mascots to the fierce yakuza mobsters. The action scenes are just like the train itself: creative and fast-paced, a fairly good combination!

We follow Pitt’s Ladybug as he desperately tries to find his way in a foreign country, and represses his anxiety thanks to new age therapist Barry and his mysterious handler – who chats with him through an earpiece. Brad Pitt’s protagonist is quirky but competent, a successful combination that action fans already enjoyed in No Time to Die’s Paloma (Ana De Armas). The actor is definitely having fun on screen, and seeing his fearful character stuck on a train full of larger-than-life villains is nothing short of hilarious. Despite being freshly out of therapy, Ladybug hasn’t lost his combat skills, and he gets to use them against a wide range of bad guys – for our viewing pleasure. Brad Pitt is the film’s greatest asset, and even the director knows it. David Leitch makes the most of the star’s quiet energy, which provides the perfect contrast with all the craziness around. Pitt’s performance itself already makes Bullet Train worth a watch, but it isn’t the film’s only quality.

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Cool villains galore…

Some critics argued that the film has nothing interesting to offer, but I can safely disagree. The movie refuses to take part in a debate on whether style or substance matter more in action flicks: its style is its substance, and Bullet Train’s sole purpose is to be fun and enjoyable. As implied by the title, it brings viewers on a crazy ride without too many plot twists and turns, and allows us to just sit back and enjoy the show.

Of course, the film features an amazing cast of villains. A special mention goes to duo of British assassins Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry), one of whom is jaded while the other has a fairly unique obsession with kids TV show Thomas the Tank Engine. Deadpool fans will also recognise Zazie Beetz, here playing a foul-mouthed killer, the Hornet, who has a passion for both costumes and poisons – a lethal combination of interests. Another of the film’s more threatening antagonists is The Prince, a sociopathic, pink-wearing nightmare perfectly played by Joey King. While many bad guys are dispatched as soon as they get introduced, Bullet Train knows that their iconic looks and fighting styles will stay with us for long.

All of these cold blooded killers first seem like passengers who randomly stumbled upon each other aboard a Shinkansen, but as the film progresses, their hidden ties are revealed through some clever flashbacks. The movie sometimes looks like it has something to say about honour and family, but apart from a flashback highlighting Tangerine and Lemon’s brotherly bonds, these attempts at emotional complexity don’t last. This is probably for the best, because Leitch is more at ease with action scenes. When I called the movie an amuse-bouche, I actually meant it: Bullet Train can be watched in one go while enjoying its crazy plot and setting. The film isn’t a four courses action masterpiece, but it is perfect to keep you waiting for this summer’s upcoming action movies.

American Cyborg – Steel Warrior: An Ultimate Action Travel Documentary

By
Thomas Krebs
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A look back at another Cannon Studios classic.

American Ninja was a big success for the Cannon Studios in the 1980s. Not long before they closed shop, Cannon rediscovered their “American” prefix in 1993, but instead of ninjas, we got a cyborg. Just like all the other cyborg action flicks that were produced in the 1990s, American Cyborg: Steel Cyborg came after every relevant film about cyborgs ever made. But it had rising B-action star Joe Lara, and the feature that you could shuffle its title words around to create new awesome cyborg actioners such as American Warrior: Steel Cyborg or Cyborg Warrior: American Steel, so let’s have a look!

Humanity is at the brink of extinction after an AI started a nuclear war, and enslaved the survivors that were also rendered sterile. But human scientists clandestinely created a fetus, and Mary is tasked to bring the baby savior to the nearest harbor where a ship to Europe awaits (the only place where an incubator exists). A cyborg enforcer is sent to kill Mary and the embryo, but she is rescued by the mysterious loner Austin (Lara), and together they embark on the dangerous journey towards the coast.

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This Baby is Going to Europe to Start a New Race of Genetically Healthy Humans

Europe is destined to be the birthplace for the savior of the human race, and as a resident of that continent I approve this message. The film does not reveal why the malevolent AI has decided to enslave humans instead of just killing them all but thankfully we can ask its precursor ChatGPT nowadays to provide the answer. The plot revolves around the simple geometrical task to get from point A (underground lab) to point B (harbor) as fast as possible. Along the way, the film happily plunders the repository of its better genre peers, and you can even create a quiz out of the whole thing as you’ll be asking yourself every two minutes “Where have I seen this before?”.

The shooting locations and their presentation are a major asset of the film. The crew had whole blocks of ruined industrial buildings at their disposal with rubble and rusty metal in every shot. The scenery is constantly illuminated with an overkill of blue back-lighting, which must be a result of the radioactive fallout, I presume. On the audio track we’re listening to a cheap but cool dark synth score, which perfectly supplements the vibe. And thanks to solid production values (apart from a slightly disturbing stop-motion animation of the fetus in a jar) the film succeeds in creating a good sense of immersion into this post-apocalyptic cityscape.

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The Cyborg is Only One of Our Enemies, there are also the Radioactive Cannibals

The late TV-Tarzan actor Joe Lara got his first shot as leading man in an action flick. He definitely had the looks and the physical statue needed for the role. His Austin is also man of many talents, among them sewing a cyborg arm to his shoulder after his own arm got ripped off. And what a campfire philosopher he is: “I’m a realist, the only thing real is me” and “Without dreams, there’s just reality”. Nicole Hansen as Mary also delivers her lines without mistakes, and the two make a perfect duo of pretty people wandering through the wasteland. On the enemy side, John Saint Ryan gives his best Terminator impression with a mighty mustache, and a very AI-untypical appetite for sadism.

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The Ultimate Hiking Trip Through a Post-Apocalyptic Cityscape 

American Cyborg: Steel Warrior can be enjoyed purely as a travel documentary through post-apocalyptic industrial ruins. Fortunately, lots of action is also thrown into the mix, with Austin and Mary encountering many unfriendly inhabitants of the wasteland and crossing paths with the enforcer multiple times. 

But the quality of the action sequences is modest at best. The fights and shootouts are delivered with a static cinematography and are not inventive. It’s all run of the mill stuff, but the many fights and shootouts at least keep coming almost non-stop. There is also a one-in-three chance that something hit by a bullet will explode. One remarkable aspect is that the movie embraces verticality in the action sequences with factory staircases, ladders and elevators often being the stage for mayhem. 

American Cyborg: Steel Warrior may be not an eternal classic of Sci-Fi action, but if you can’t get enough from watching a hiking trip through industrial ruins with frantic shootouts and a big cheese factor, you’re in for a lot of fun!

Exploring the Clever (and Ultimate) Ruse Behind ‘Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre’

By
Josephine Aulnois
-

Guy Ritchie has quite a lot of experience directing action films, but let’s be honest, not all of his recent movies have been hugely successful. While the Sherlock Holmes duology pleasantly surprised fans in 2009 and 2011, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. bombed at the box office four years later. This didn’t stop Ritchie, whose latest action comedy Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre was released in March – and is now available on Amazon Prime.

It was – you guessed it – a box office bomb, making less than $38 million against a budget of $50 million, and received pretty lukewarm critiques. Operation Fortune definitely wasn’t helped by its non-existent promotion (I only learnt about it after its release!), but did the film deserve the indifference that it got? Here are my thoughts on it:

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Fast-paced from the start

The movie follows a fairly unique team of spies, who are asked by British secret services to retrieve a strange MacGuffin known as “the Handle” – though its exact nature remains unclear. To do so, the agents led by wine-loving super-spy Orson Fortune (Jason Statham) enlist the help of clueless movie star Danny Franscesco (Josh Harnett), and attempt to get close to eccentric billionaire Greg Simmonds (Hugh Grant).

Operation Fortune gets off to a flying start: viewers are immersed right away in the theft of the Handle, and our team of super-spies is assembled within the first 15 minutes. This fast-paced start is both a blessing and a curse: it avoids too much unnecessary exposition, but also means that no characters are really developed. They are mostly here to serve the plot and to trade jokes – some of which land, while others don’t.

The film’s biggest asset is definitely its pace: it never really stops or slow down, though there aren’t that many fights. In fact, Operation Fortune is more of a giant cat and mouse game, which allows Jason Statham, Hugh Grant and Cary Elwes as handler Nathan to deliver as many quips and punchlines as possible. The movie is presented as an action comedy, and it is indeed fun, all the way through its crazy end credits. For me, the visual gags work better than the sometimes forced jokes delivered by the cast. Hugh Grant is definitely a delight to watch as he chews up the scenery, and Statham does the job as an agent with a knack for fine wine and luxurious trips.

Similarly, the film features Danny Francesco, an in-universe superstar, and draws an interesting parallel between the work of actors and spies. As a fan of Bridget von Hammersmark and Inglourious Basterds, I was eager to see what this meta discourse would bring, but it ended up being only a pretext for more chases and quips.

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So many spies, so little time 

This is the film’s biggest flaw: Operation Fortune features far too many characters (to the point where you can play literal Guess Who with them!) and as many interchangeable villains. The movie wants to go in so many directions that it never digs beneath the surface – quite ironic for a film which mocks shallow billionaires and movie stars! The idea to have the mysterious Handle as the main MacGuffin could also have been interesting, but backfires: the Handle’s nature is only revealed halfway through the film, too late for viewers to care about it – and without any spoilers, it is not worth the wait! This undermines Operation Fortune’s stakes: the threat is so unclear that the urgency to find the Handle is never palpable, meaning the team’s investigation feels quite pointless.

To the film’s credit, it does have an entertaining universe where super-spies all seem to be on a first-name basis with each other. Yet Guy Richie’s filming, which was quite creative in the Sherlock Holmes saga, here feels a lot less inspired. Don’t get me wrong, everything is well-filmed, but much like the rest of the movie, the cinematography seems like a waste of potential. If you really liked The Man from U.N.C.L.E., then I recommend giving this film a try, otherwise, you will want to sit this mission out. Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre is pretty close to a ghost train, if all the scares were replaced by car chases and brawls. It is one of those films which allows you to seat back and enjoy the ride, but don’t start thinking about it too hard or the magic sure will wear off!

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