Guy Ritchie has quite a lot of experience directing action films, but let’s be honest, not all of his recent movies have been hugely successful. While the Sherlock Holmes duology pleasantly surprised fans in 2009 and 2011, The Man from U.N.C.L.E. bombed at the box office four years later. This didn’t stop Ritchie, whose latest action comedy Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre was released in March – and is now available on Amazon Prime.
It was – you guessed it – a box office bomb, making less than $38 million against a budget of $50 million, and received pretty lukewarm critiques. Operation Fortune definitely wasn’t helped by its non-existent promotion (I only learnt about it after its release!), but did the filmdeserve the indifference that it got? Here are my thoughts on it:
The movie follows a fairly unique team of spies, who are asked by British secret services to retrieve a strange MacGuffin known as “the Handle” – though its exact nature remains unclear. To do so, the agents led by wine-loving super-spy Orson Fortune (Jason Statham) enlist the help of clueless movie star Danny Franscesco (Josh Harnett), and attempt to get close to eccentric billionaire Greg Simmonds (Hugh Grant).
Operation Fortune gets off to a flying start: viewers are immersed right away in the theft of the Handle, and our team of super-spies is assembled within the first 15 minutes. This fast-paced start is both a blessing and a curse: it avoids too much unnecessary exposition, but also means that no characters are really developed. They are mostly here to serve the plot and to trade jokes – some of which land, while others don’t.
The film’s biggest asset is definitely its pace: it never really stops or slow down, though there aren’t that many fights. In fact, Operation Fortune is more of a giant cat and mouse game, which allows Jason Statham, Hugh Grant and Cary Elwes as handler Nathan to deliver as many quips and punchlines as possible. The movie is presented as an action comedy, and it is indeedfun, all the way through its crazy end credits. For me, the visual gags work better than the sometimes forced jokes delivered by the cast. Hugh Grant is definitely a delight to watch as he chews up the scenery, and Statham does the job as an agent with a knack for fine wine and luxurious trips.
Similarly, the film features Danny Francesco, an in-universe superstar, and draws an interesting parallel between the work of actors and spies. As a fan of Bridget von Hammersmark and Inglourious Basterds, I was eager to see what this meta discourse would bring, but it ended up being only a pretext for more chases and quips.
This is the film’s biggest flaw: Operation Fortune features far too many characters (to the point where you can play literal Guess Who with them!) and as many interchangeable villains. The movie wants to go in so many directions that it never digs beneath the surface – quite ironic for a film which mocks shallow billionaires and movie stars! The idea to have the mysterious Handle as the main MacGuffin could also have been interesting, but backfires: the Handle’s nature is only revealed halfway through the film, too late for viewers to care about it – and without any spoilers, it is not worth the wait! This undermines Operation Fortune’s stakes: the threat is so unclear that the urgency to find the Handle is never palpable, meaning the team’s investigation feels quite pointless.
To the film’s credit, it does have an entertaining universe where super-spies all seem to be on a first-name basis with each other. Yet Guy Richie’s filming, which was quite creative in the Sherlock Holmes saga, here feels a lot less inspired. Don’t get me wrong, everything is well-filmed, but much like the rest of the movie, the cinematography seems like a waste of potential. If you really liked The Man from U.N.C.L.E., then I recommend giving this film a try, otherwise, you will want to sit this mission out. Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre is pretty close to a ghost train, if all the scares were replaced by car chases and brawls. It is one of those films which allows you to seat back and enjoy the ride, but don’t start thinking about it too hard or the magic sure will wear off!
It doesn’t get more ultimate (or fun) than Brandon Lee in Rapid Fire (1992).
Brandon Lee was destined to be the next action superstar, but died tragically while filming The Crow. He left actions fans a small legacy of ultimate classics, though. After landing a slam dunk with Showdown in Little Tokyo in 1991, he cranked up the action dial to the absolute maximum with Rapid Fire one year later, so let’s have a look!
Art student Jake (Lee) becomes witness to the murder of a drug baron by the local Chicago mafia. He is coerced by the police to support them in crushing the drug business, and his superior martial arts skills turn out to be an unexpected boon for the operation. An art student who happens to be martial arts and firearms master is forced by the police to be their undercover bait, admittedly this is an unlikely scenario but it’s not impossible! The simple plot is told without flaws and moves swiftly.
Why don’t you take your fists of fury and get out of here?
In between the many great action set pieces the film fully embraces its cliched police thriller backdrop with sleazy villains and hard-ass cops. Rapid Fire also has that sweet early 1990s actioner vibe, not being too serious nor too complex, and fully focused on its main task to create as much spectacle and fun as possible for the audience. Director Dwight H. Little of Marked for Death renown is the perfect man for the job, and creates a swelter urban cityscape with glossy visuals, a touch of noir, and cheesy rock music.
Turning our attention to the characters we notice that it’s macho-time, all the time with an impressive assembly of alpha-males on all sides. Nick Mancuso delivers a charmingly exaggerated take on a sadistic mobster boss, with someone dying or beaten to a pulp whenever he shows up. The great and late Powers Boothe is not given a demanding or even interesting role as police lieutenant, but he plays his one-dimensional character with lots of verve and also hams it up appropriately.
I’ll break your hands, then I’ll break your ribs, and then I’ll break your legs
But the center of gravity undoubtedly is Lee, who is just incredibly energetic and charismatic, and who shows us why he was the only actor at the time who could combine top level martial arts prowess with good acting skills. Together with Jeff Imada, Lee also developed the fight choreography, and what they came up with is on the high end of the scale for a 1990s US martial arts flick. Thanks to a relatively modest production budget there also was less need for a compromise to appeal to a wide audience, a very good prerequisite for an all-out action assault!
Lee does it all, Gun Fu, round-housing, and impaling goons with his motorcycle. He delivers a bunch of excellent fights that include some impressive stunts as well. Whenever there is mayhem the action crew just doesn’t know when to stop, the action just keeps coming until the whole set is torn to shreds. The shootouts are incredibly brutal with an enormous count of blood squibs. And thanks to a fine camerawork that avoids hectic cuts we get to enjoy each excess of violence in its full grandeur.
Rapid Fire is an epitome of 1990s action, a goodie bag filled with bullets, blood, and beatdowns! It is one of the best actioners the decade had to offer, and an essential part of Lee’s ultimate legacy to the genre.
This action thriller directed by the Russo Brothers was released last year and distributed by Netflix. While starring Ryan Gosling, Chris Evans and Ana De Armas seemed to guarantee positive reviews, The Gray Man’s reception was lukewarm at best.
Despite the cast’s best efforts, this story of a CIA operative (Ryan Gosling) who discovers inconvenient secrets about his agency and is subsequently hunted down by hitmen seemed too cliché for some critics. The film isn’t the most original action flick, but I found its reception a little harsh: The Gray Man knows what audiences want to see, and gives us just that, making it an ultimate action movie. Here are five good reasons to watch it:
1) Chris Evans’ sadistic villain
You know how it goes: a good action flick needs a good villain, and The Gray Man offers us Chris Evans as Lloyd Hansen. This former CIA agent now works as an assassin, and fully enjoys his role as sadistic torturer and killer – even happily gunning down his own men when they dare question his orders and authority. The Harvard-educated Hansen is absolutely brutal, and few recent villains are as gleefully sadistic. His introductory scene sets the tone: the man is “creatively” torturing a victim using a car battery. Hansen does not get any kinder throughout the film, and his brutality is appreciable in an era where more and more villains have a tragic backstory or some form of excuse for their misdeeds. I sometimes miss the bad guys who are pure, unabashed evil, and Lloyd Hansen is definitely one of those. Of course, it is Chris Evans’ gleeful performance which sells it, and watching an evil version of Captain America threaten to kill children is truly a sight to behold.
This will come as no surprise to Bond fans – and anyone who has seen No Time to Die – but having Ana De Armas play a spy in your action movie is a huge asset. She once again portrays a memorable character: here, De Armas is Dani Miranda, a Berlin-based spy with a taste for cool suits and an unbreakable spirit. The strong-willed operative is the first to support Ryan Gosling’s hero, and proves ready to put her career – and life – on the line to help the rogue agent. Shortly after being one of No Time to Die’s best parts, Ana De Armas is masterfully playing a spy once again: Dani is nothing short of a badass, and seeing her team up with Ryan Gosling in a hospital fight against Indian star Dhanush is an absolute delight. You can also count on Ana De Armas to bring a refreshing touch of humour to her secret agents. The headstrong Miranda, who doesn’t appreciate being handed an empty gun, is not exception!
The film’s fight scenes deliver: their choreographies are fluid and fairly brutal – the perfect combo – and Gosling sells it as a rogue operative ready to do anything to survive. Most of the fights are deliberately over-the-top, and make good use of smoke effects. They feature various weapons – though you will see a lot of guns – and The Gray Man’s protagonists also have a knack for fighting in the most improbable settings. On top of the aforementioned hospital brawl, other highlights include seeing Gosling take out an entire team of assassins on a burning plane, fighting his way out of a moving tram and coming face-to-face with Lloyd Hansen in a fountain. The Russo Brothers have fun shooting these fight scenes and do it pretty well – forget the shaky cams of the early 2010s, the film lets us enjoy the combat moves, and apart from a few chopped up shots during the tram sequence, the editing does these brawls justice.
A common criticism made to The Gray Man is that the film focuses too much on the combat scenes, and spends more time filming gunfights than setting up an actual story. While it is true that the plot isn’t groundbreaking (more on that below), the movie is generous with its action sequences, and this is a huge gift for fans of the genre. Its pace is resolutely fast, and the directors want to show us as many brawls as possible in two hours. If you are tired of waiting 45 minutes to get a mediocre, slow-paced fight, The Gray Man provides the perfect remedy!
The Gray Man is filled to the brim with spy movie clichés. Yes, this means that its plot is not the most original, and did put off those who expected a stronger, less generic story. But if you are an action fan (after all, this is the UAMC) you can have fun counting the tropes of the genre. From the witty child who gets kidnapped by the main villain to the countless corrupt heads of the CIA, there are so many clichés that an actual drinking game could land you in hospital (while in there, watch out for Dhanush’s assassin!). The Gray Man does follow a “classic spy thriller” recipe. This is both a blessing and a curse: the movie is nothing revolutionary, but it is definitely entertaining. A sequel is in the works, which will hopefully offer a more original story. In the meantime, you can definitely give this ultimate action film a watch!
Ranking the action movies based on video games ever made!
Many of us enjoy being virtual action heroes on our computers and game consoles, and plenty of attempts were taken to do the reverse and bring the excitement of video games to the movies. Most video game adaptations are plagued by a mysterious curse, however, that seems to prevent them from transferring the appeal of the games onto the movie screen. Yet a few gems were made, and in this list we’ll present you the 10 best video game adaptations, so let’s have a look!
Early video game films were considered deeply flawed by snobbish reviewers, but we don’t care as long as they are fun, and Double Dragon delivers a healthy dose of cheesy action entertainment! The film version of the 1980s beat ‘em up classic tells the story of brothers Jimmy (Mark Dacascos) and Billy on their quest to prevent kingpin Shuko from obtaining two halves of an ancient medallion that grants its wielder infinite power.
L.A. looks like a kid’s fantasy of a post-apocalyptic landscape, the world-building is pretty much incomprehensible, and some of the action sequences are seriously wonky, but it’s never boring! Dacascos, just like the rest of the cast is tuned in properly with an upbeat performance, and Robert Patrick shines as master villain in Eurodance fashion and hairstyle. Double Dragon is a fun ride for the whole family. And it is oh so colorful, it’s the Mary Poppins of video game adaptations!
The legendary first-person-shooter received a not so legendary conversion into movie form. There’s trouble on mars when a botched project on a research base turns people into hellish monsters. A squad of space marines is called in to clean house. The film serves us the standard “creepy space station” tropes and replicates the sober look of the mediocre Doom 3 instead of the visual shockwaves and brutal insanity of the first two games.
And even though no one stands “knee-deep in the dead” there are plenty of gruesome moments with some frantic shootouts towards the end, and a truly bad-ass sequence of FPS mayhem. Doom delivers gory fun, but is a missed opportunity to do justice to one of the greatest video games of all time.
The cult game returned to the big screen, and raised high expectations from gamers and action movie fans alike. Shang Tsung and his minions seek dominion over earth, and as always just need to win one more Mortal Kombat to achieve their goal. Thunder god Raiden assembles the best martial arts fighters earth has to offer and prepares them for the ultimate showdown. The opening sequence and final showdown are both freaking awesome, and deliver high-octane action.
All other fights suffer from choppy editing, and no surprises or originality are found in any of them. The fatalities keep coming at a good rate, though, and some of them are just as gory and over the top as we would hope for. Clunky dialogues and boring villains put even more brakes on the spectacle. Overall it’s mission accomplished, but just barely, and let’s hope the possible sequel can kick it up a notch.
One of the most popular game franchises at the time and a Jean-Claude Van Damme at the peak of his popularity, this should have been the foundation for an awesome fight flick. But the film was made in an era when video game adaptations meant maximum cheese, and what a glorious mess it became! The evil General M. Bison (Raul Julia) has captured humanitarian workers of the Allied Nations, and Colonel Guile (Van Damme) is sent into the country of Shadaloo to rescue them. He collects a few allies along the way to mount an attack on Bison’s fortress.
A chaotic story, JCVD on autopilot, and funky costumes are just some of the ingredients of this cinematic inferno. But maybe director Steven E. De Souza knew exactly what he was doing because the whole thing is highly entertaining and funny, if you can see past the amateurish execution of the action sequences. Street Fighter is a total failure as a fight flick but a full success as a goofy action comedy!
After a slew of many mediocre (or worse) video game adaptations in recent years, the icon of the glorious SEGA days of past hit audiences with lightning speed. Sonic is forced to flee from his home planet, and lands on Earth where he becomes friends with local town sheriff Tom. His arrival is noticed by the mad scientist Doctor Robotnik, who is interested in using Sonic’s superpowers to boost his army of robots.
The film has everything I expect from an action film: a crazy car chase, a time-bending bar fight, trigger-happy killer drones, and a good fart joke. Jim Carrey delivers a great throwback to his classic comedic performances as enthusiastic evil genius. Kids will love this charming action adventure, and I bet their parents will too!
Paul W. S. Anderson’s take on the popular action horror game franchise resulted in a series of six films. Not all of them can be recommended, but the second installment delivered an exquisite display of chaos and mayhem. The T-virus escaped from the underground vault of the Umbrella Corporation, and Raccoon city is ravaged by hordes of zombies. Umbrella’s superhuman guinea pig Alice escapes from the facility and joins up with a group of humans who are trying to escape the sealed-off city.
Raccoon city becomes a stomping ground for all sorts of abominations courtesy of Umbrella that only get bigger and meaner as the film progresses. The humans have an infinite supply of ammunition, and their automatic rifles deliver head shots in triple digits. And neither zombie dogs, zombie hookers or zombie school children are a match for the ultra-bad-asses Alice and Jill Valentine. Resident Evil: Apocalypse is the ultimate sweet spot of the franchise and delivers relentless zombie action and thrills from start to finish!
The stealth-action game series about the assassin with a barcode on his neck was and still is hugely popular and received an excellent conversion into a feature film. Agent 47 (Timothy Olyphant), a genetically engineered super-assassin, is hired to kill the Russian president. Things don’t turn out as planned, and he gets entrenched in a political conspiracy with Interpol and the Russian secret service closing in on him.
Hitman presents a conventional political conspiracy story and mostly uninspired characters but it all works well enough as a template for bloody and stylish shootouts. The action is awesome, a supreme bullet ballet at times shot in style with glossy visuals. Despite being given a character with limited depth, Timothy Oliphant delivers a fantastic performance as stone-cold killer, whose inhuman façade begins to crumble as the film progresses. This film is his show from start to finish, and Agent 47 shows no remorse for anyone in this film.
Lightly clad girls duke it out in the adaptation of another successful 1990’s beat ‘em up franchise. The world’s best fighters are invited to a tropical island to fight for big in the DOA tournament. But organizer Donovan (Eric Roberts) has a secret plan that puts everyone on the island in danger. The film doesn’t ever bother with a sensible reason for holding the tournament and all character’s motives and interactions are pure nonsense. But the cast reigns in on the cheesy fun with lots of corny humor.
And finally, we got a film based on a fight game where the action sequences do the video game justice, and then some! Director and veteran fight choreographer Corey Yuen creates furious sequences of high-caliber martial arts action. Goofy special moves, a dose of Wu Xia and lots of roundhousing are delivered in a colorful and uplifting setting. DOA: Dead Or Alive fully embraces its cheerful stupidity, and becomes an ultimate guilty pleasure!
In 2007, Uwe Boll redeemed himself with Postal, a film that was based on the second installment of the controversial video game series. The Postal Dude (Zack Ward) lives a miserable life plagued by unsuccessful job interviews, an unfaithful wife, and a futile attempt to apply for unemployment benefits. He joins his uncle and cult leader Dave to steal a shipment of the popular Krotchy dolls, but Osama Bin Laden and Al-Qaeda also have taken interest in the merchandise. You will know right from the start if this film was made for you after sitting through an incredibly tasteless yet arguably very funny opening sequence.
Just like the game, Postal succeeds in offending everyone and everything US society holds dear. But even the most offensive incidents are delivered with a lighthearted vibe. The Postal dude’s encounters with Al-Qaeda, corrupt cops, and sex-addicted doomsday cultists lead to many eruptions of violence, and the body count increases exponentially during the film. Boll also does a bonkers cameo where he sets a record for how many tasteless comments you can make in 90 seconds before getting your balls shot off.
After trashfests like Super Mario Brothers and Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat set things right big time for the fledgling video game movie genre. Outworld sorcerer Shang Tsung seeks to conquer earth and just needs to win one more Mortal Kombat tournament. The mighty Lord Raiden (Christopher Lambert) assembles the best martial artists earth has to offer to defeat Shang Tsung and his champions.
Mortal Kombat has everything you would want from a kick-ass action movie, good pacing, no drama, a legendary techno soundtrack, and pretty awesome fights that are relying on very earthly martial arts for the most part. Unlike in the games, there’s no gore, but that’s okay, back in the 1990s video game adaptations were mostly aimed at younger audiences. Casting Christopher Lambert as Raiden as Raiden is just priceless, a singular stroke of insanity in an otherwise well-balanced film. Up to this day, Mortal Kombat is the best video game adaptation for us here at the Ultimate Action Movie Club!
A look back at the ultimate action comic book movie that almost slipped through the cracks.
With it releasing between Tim Burton’s blockbuster hit Batman and Alex Proyas’s cult film The Crow it is no mystery as to how 1989’s The Punisher was the comic adaptation that slipped through the cracks of our collective memories. The film was released theatrically worldwide, but an unfortunate change of ownership forced it onto home video. From there, it’s destiny was to unjustly be a forgotten relic of an early comic book movie surge.
Directed by Mark Goldblatt, The Punisher stars Dolph Lundgren as Frank Castle/The Punisher, a former police detective who became a one-man army against the mafia after the murder of his family. Castle’s warpath weakened the Mafia so much that an even bigger and worse threat saw an opportunity to overtake the territory, the Yakuza. When The Punisher, The Mafia, and The Yakuza go to war, it becomes difficult to determine a clear winner.
The film does take some liberties with the character, for example they make Frank Castle a detective instead of a soldier. The other change that stands out is the absence of the iconic white skull symbol. What was once used in the comics as a way to draw gunfire to his body armor, has been reduced to a signature design on a knife pommel. At face value that can be a sign of trouble, but despite the integral piece of the character’s iconography missing and his background changed we still get an engaging take on the character.
Since I can remember, I would always compare The Punisher to a horror movie slasher. Dolph Lundgren’s Punisher is a hulking six foot five inch zombie, if you were to put a hockey mask he could have easily been mistaken for Jason Voorhees. Lundgren’s physicality lends a lot to his performance. With his towering stature and unbreakable stoicism, his body conveys everything he needs to say. In horror movie fashion, in our our first encounter with Castle we only get glimpses of him as he goes through a mansion slaughtering the entourage of recently acquitted mafia boss Dino Moretti (Bryan Marshall).
As an editor, Director Mark Goldblatt worked on classic action films such as Commando, Rambo: First Blood Part 2, and The Terminator. He even worked as second unit director on Paul Verhoven’s Robocop. It’s fair to say that he knows his way around an action scene. His set pieces have a nice rhythm within and they keep up with the excessiveness of the time. The gunfights are brutal, shotguns send people flying into the air. Whether it be a blade or harpoon, we get a close up of the vivtim being penetrated. In a Punisher comic book from that era, a still from any of the action scenes would fit perfectly. None of the exploitativeness from the comics is spared.
Goldblatt’s comic book adjacent action only works because of the world he creates around it. The film opens with a Robocop-like news report that features talks of Mafia bosses being released from prison and The Punisher’s responsibility for the murders of 125 criminals. In a way, the news report eases us into the world. As a result, we don’t question the naked Punisher meditating in his candle-lit sewer base, unhoused drunk thespians that quote Shakespeare, or Ninjas sliding down amusement park rides firing machine guns.
Punisher stories throughout the years have always given him some form of a relationship with the people hunting him. This film is no different. Detective Jake Berkowitz (Louis Gossett Jr.) has been looking for his ex-partner Frank Castle since his family was murdered, and all he has to show for it is a collection of knives the Punisher leaves behind. Once Berkowitz finally captures Castle and is forced to face him it turns into one of the best scenes in the film. With real pain in his voice, Berkowitz asks Castle why he never came to him for help if he was a live. The two men give the scene a sense of weight that sets it apart from the other dramatic points in the film.
Despite the clear limitations of the budget, The Punisher manages to provide great action by extracting the explosiveness from the comics and putting it on the screen. As Punisher, Dolph Lundgren’s undead aura and his stature do the character justice, and he even does most of the stunt work himself. Mark Goldblatt manages to constantly fill each frame with something entertaining, some wonderful shots manage to break through. But most importantly. The film understands that the animalistic wrath of Frank Castle needs to be contrasted by the human element that Louis Gossett Jr’s Berkowitz provides in the film, it binds everything together. It was tossed aside when it was released, but years later it still packs a punch and feels like a genuine comic book movie. It absolutely doesn’t deserve to be left behind.
Article By: Cameron Levins is a filmmaker, comic book lover and fight scene enthusiast. Ever since his dad showed him Bruce Lee as a kid, he became obsessed with action films. In his free time he’s either day dreaming about an action scene or researching fight choreographers. Follow Cameron on Twitter here.
Some box office failures are well-deserved, and others just seem hard to explain: when I saw The Nice Guys in 2016, my naive self believed that the film would get the attention it deserved. But life is sometimes unfair, and good action flicks like The Nice Guys can be ignored by the public.
On paper, this action comedy had everything needed to be successful: it is directed by Shane Black, has a 1970s Hollywood setting, a good dose of humour, positive reviews and of course, Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe in the leading roles. Gosling here plays a clumsy private investigator and single father, Holland March, who is desperately trying to make ends meet. He gets hired by the aunt of deceased porn star Misty Mountain, who is certain that her niece is still alive! March’s investigation leads him to cross paths with violent enforcer Jackson Healy (Russell Crowe).
The latter is looking for a woman called Amelia Kuttner (Margaret Qualley), who was working with Misty on an experimental film project. Yet Amelia soon goes missing, prompting the improbable duo of detectives to track her down through the hippie gatherings and porn sets of 1977 Los Angeles. Yes, The Nice Guys has a good plot, fun characters, a unique aesthetic, and it definitely deserves a retro review!
The Nice Guys is best defined as an action comedy: the film is fun from beginning to end, and from its protagonists – a duo of down-on-their-luck losers – to its snappy dialogues, everything is as over-the-top as possible. The movie also has what a lot of action blockbusters lack: it is consistently funny, and nearly all of its jokes land, because they perfectly match the general craziness. Everything here has been turned up to eleven, from the stupidity of some characters to the craziness of Hollywood stars.
The Nice Guys also strikes an excellent balance between humour and more touching moments – most of which include Angourie Rice as Gosling’s witty daughter who endured her share of traumas. These emotional scenes are few and far between, but they ensure that we enjoy following March and Healy all the way, especially as both have satisfying character arcs. The lead actors themselves make The Nice Guys worth a watch: Crowe and Gosling are having the time of their life. They reportedly agreed to take part in the film in order to work together, and Russell Crowe even praised his partner during several interviews. He mentioned that Ryan Gosling helped him to elaborate crazy scenarios, which then made it into the final product. Their on screen chemistry is palpable throughout the movie, and it really cements The Nice Guys as a buddy comedy.
Yet the film also works because it doesn’t verge too much into self-parody, instead offering action scenes which are both fun and fairly believable. Special mention to the short scene where the two protagonists run away from an enemy who is clearly too strong for them – which is hilarious and successfully subverts viewers’ expectations. In between the crude jokes and chats inside a toilet cubicle, The Nice Guys manages to sneak in a creepy assassin in the person of John Boy (Matt Bomer).
The picture perfect hitman can list wearing leather gloves and firing rounds of bullets at any moving target among his favourite hobbies. John Boy isn’t above harming kids, either, and his hilarious brutality makes his climatic fight against Healy a lot more tense and satisfying. Overall, the film does have some good brawls and even a few torture sequences, which help to make it more impactful.
All of these elements already suffice to make The Nice Guys a solid action film, but it has even more to offer. The movie has a very unique setting (few recent action flicks take place in 1970s Hollywood, apart from the grittier Inherent Vice). The Nice Guys uses this to the fullest and develops its own universe: it features fun 70s costumes and an amazing set design, but of course, what really sticks with you after a viewing is its music. Throughout the movie, disco hits like Papa was a Rollin’ Stone and Boogie Wonderland will get you dancing, and the soundtrack also offers some of its own compositions, including an excellent main theme.
Whether through music or scenery, The Nice Guys does a perfect job at depicting the madness of 1977 L.A., where lascivious stars meet loser detectives – making the latter both hilariously out-of-place and reliable. The film can also boast a strong screenplay, with plenty of twists and revelations. It is both a proper investigation and an action flick, as not everyone is who they seem to be in the city of angels. This makes March and Healy’s journey a lot more entertaining, especially as despite their frequent screw-ups, the duo really does attempt to solve the case and find the missing women.
This won’t come as a surprise, but I was sorely disappointed to see that The Nice Guys didn’t get the commercial success it deserved: the film is a great action flick, which mixes disco music with machine guns and will keep you on the edge of your seat for two hours. Fans were calling for a sequel, box-office results decided otherwise, but we can console ourselves with a rewatch of this groovy action film.
Long before the MCU added quips to every second sentence, the action movies of the 80s and 90s were doing it bigger, better, and, often, more eye-rollingly. As action fans, we love the world of quips, where even the worst can make a terrible movie somehow great. Whether or not they’re strained, whether they make any sense at all, using these in real life can be a great way to get a laugh from friends or confusion from anyone else. So, what are our favorites, and how could you use them?
I’ll be Back
This legendary line from The Terminator solidifies the eponymous murder machine as an unstoppable force, one of film’s best action classics. While we aren’t going to lean into the more chaotic results of this quote, we do find it a great line that can be used whenever a little time away is needed. Take playing 3 card brag with friends as an example. After learning the strategy of this game, and the different values of hands like the run and prial, 3 card brag can be great for long play sessions, which can necessitate a break. Stopping the game, checking out the table and your surroundings carefully, leaning forward, and dropping an ‘I’ll be back’ can be a great way to both express your intentions and mess with other players’ heads. Just don’t drive a trick through their homes, it’s against the rules.
Say Hello to My Little Friend
Though technically a crime drama, there’s no denying the fame of Scarface’s finale, or just how well-known this line has become. ‘Say hello to my little friend’ is great because of how flexible it is, and how much it can set you up for long-running in-jokes. Surprising friends in a Nerf gun war with a weapon like Caliburn from Captain Slug after being backed into a corner is a great example, and can give you the edge in your mock battle. Even better, it can also be used as a fake out when introducing your family member to a new pet like a kitten, especially if they’re expecting a Nerf bolt to the chest.
I Ain’t Got Time to Bleed
Coming directly from the chiseled jaw of Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura in 1987’s Predator, this line embraced a silly macho approach to life that can easily be adopted. Life is full of little bumps and scratches, and approaching the most minor of injuries with massively overstated bravado as you apply a band-aid never fails to confuse and amuse. Bonus points if you wince and let out an exaggerated wince as soon as treatment on your injured appendage or ‘fingey’ begins.
Before rushing out and making people sigh, remember that a good quip needs to be held until the exact right (or wrong) time. Going out and filling the space with endless quotes is overkill, and not the kind of overkill we’d see Arnie partake in. Pick your battles, load up your quote guns, and most of all, try not to be too inappropriate.
I was never a huge fun of the first Fast and the Furious movie when it came out in 2001, I thought of it as a supercharged remake of the 1987 movie No Man’s Land staring Charlie Sheen and D.B. Sweeney about an rookie undercover cop chasing a car theft ring.
But starting with Fast Five and the next two installments, the series evolved from a street racer movie to a heist film to the spy genre, as it introduced villains such as Luke Even’s Owen Shaw and characters destined to join Dom’s crew such as The Rock’s Lucas Hobbes and Jason Statham’s Deckard Shaw.
Action and car chases were in good hands. But then came the eight and ninth entries in the series and the franchise seemed to run out of gas. Blow a gasket. Hit the skids. Ah, pick your metaphor but it seemed to the end of the road for Dom and his family was fast approaching.
But with Fast X, the Nos is back and it’s turbocharged!
This movie had to be written by Artificial Intelligence because there is no way a human being could have conceived of the things going on here. If you thought the last movie where they went into space was absurd, this one flirts with time travel as it employs a Rashomon style narrative that rewrites Fast Five from the viewpoint of multiple characters new to the franchise.
A plot to blow up The Vatican kicks off out tale and splits up the crew into manageable plot sized elements. From there, it has car stunts that not only defy the laws of physics but maybe even CGI. There is so much CGI in this movie, I can’t even tell if anybody was actually physically behind the wheel of a car.
From there, characters that have no business even being in this movie show up, cause mayhem and then walk off possibly into their own spin-offs. If AI truly wrote this movie, then humanity is fucked because this film firmly reestablished the franchise at the top of the action movie heap.
But what drives this movie is Jason Momoa’s portrayal of Dante Reyes- who may be the greatest villain in cinema history, even topping Heath Ledgers Joker! Diabolical, psychotic, cunning and a step ahead of our crew the whole movie as the son of Fast Five’s villain who is inserted into a recut Five finale as Dom robs him of his fortune with the vault heist and his birthright with the death of his father.
Dante may be the most flamboyant villain in a franchise defined by its villains. He has actually turned Vin Diesel into a co star in his own movie, as he chews up the every scene he is in as he brings the pain. The movie ends on a cliffhanger and it’s recently been announced this will be a trilogy. But you will see why you need three movies to tell Dante’s tale of revenge on all who wronged him.
As for Vin Diesel, he is starting to look every bit of his 55 years. Han is showing grey in his bangs as the crew is starting to look as old as Roman and Tej’s banter. Letty may be the only original cast member that won’t have to be de aged using CGI. The budget for this movie in North of 350 million with all of it onscreen on CGI and actors salaries.
Brie Larson and Jack Reacher’s Alan Ritchson show up as rival CIA agents, as well as Isabel Neves as the street racing sister of the mother of Don’s child. Then there’s Broadway great Rita Moreno as Don’s mother as the family continues to grow and grow.
So start your engines and I’ll race you to the theater for my mini vans pick slip! And stick around as there is a post credit scene that will blow your mind.
On the list of the most improbable prequels, The King’s Man does rank pretty highly: instead of following up on the story of the spy agency introduced in the first two instalments, this movie focuses on the foundation of said spy agency during WWI.
The 2021 film, still directed by Matthew Vaughn, was released right after the pandemic, which might explain why it bombed at the box-office – though this could also be down to its totally strange setting, darker tone and lack of proper marketing.
The King’s Man seemingly confused audiences and critics alike. They didn’t know what to make of the film, which was meant to be more serious than its predecessors, but still had some tongue-in-cheek moments. The third Kingsman movie is the one no one expected, but is it the one we needed? Today is the day to retro-review it!
The King’s Man introduces new protagonists, played by an all-star cast – as is usual for the franchise. Among them are Duke of Oxford Orlando (Ralph Fiennes), his daredevil son Conrad (Harris Dickinson) and their trusted staff made of Polly (Gemma Arterton) and Shola (Djimon Hounsou). As WWI rages throughout Europe, Conrad is trying to persuade his father to take part in the conflict, but the Duke, a hardened pacifist, is reluctant to intervene. Yet the father and son are forced out of their comfortable life by The Sheperd (Matthew Goode), a criminal mastermind who wants to pit European powers against each other for his own benefit.
Well, the least one can say is that this pitch is quite a change from the colourful plots of the first two instalments. The era here is much somber, and the tone is appropriately darker than in the previous films. If The Golden Circle delved into self-parody, The King’s Man takes the opposite approach and is definitely the most serious of the franchise’s instalments. Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that the film is entirely devoid of humour. Its historical setting allows Matthew Vaughn to make another type of jokes: this time, he is having fun with historical figures, so you’ll be able to meet Lord Kitchener, King George V and even Archduke Franz Ferdinand! The movie has a very “personal” take on 20th century History – and a dancing, wizard-like version of Rasputin (Rhys Ifans, who is having a damn great time).
The film does a great job at fleshing out its characters and spends quite a lot of time exploring their relationships, especially the dynamic between Conrad and Orlando – as the latter desperately tries to protect his son. This is definitely an improvement from the previous movie, which was too focused on goofs to actually develop interesting character arcs. It seems like Matthew Vaughn did a 180 this time around, and attempted to offer a more grounded, edgier take on the Kingsman universe. A pretty dark twist halfway through the film hammers in the message, and gives some tragic roots to the spy agency. The idea of a mentor desperately trying to prevent a young character from entering the world of espionage is also a nice subversion of the first film’s dynamic, though it might be lost on those who haven’t seen (or can’t remember) the first Kingsman.
The King’s Man does have a major problem: the film doesn’t know what it wants to say, and goes from trying to discuss grief and how lower socio-economic classes are ignored by the rich, to having a version of Mata Hari fighting with a “strangling scarf” (which I very much wish was historically accurate!). Vaughn learnt his lesson from the last film’s over-the-top antics, but still struggles to find the right tone for his story. The movie tries to have something to say about pacifism and the horrors of war, but somehow ends up combining this message with the crazy fight scenes that are typical of Kingsman. The timing of its release was also puzzling, and it certainly didn’t help that the film came out between The Golden Circle and the final part of Eggsy’s adventures (which will apparently be called Blue Blood, but little info has been released so far). This gives the impression that The King’s Man doesn’t know where to stand – literally.
The tonal inconsistencies and strange release date did put a lot of viewers off, but they won’t ruin the movie if you are willing to just lay back to enjoy the ride. In fact, The King’s Man’s insistence on keeping some of the previous instalments’ craziness while delving into historical drama makes it a very unique spy flick. Honestly, I can recommend this cinematic UFO: it is a one-of-a-kind action film, more serious than most, but still featuring nods to earlier films and larger-than-life characters. The King’s Man was not a necessary prequel, but it is a very decent one for such an ultimate saga!
Hercules: The Legendary Journeys arguably was one of the greatest 1990s TV shows, I know it was for me. The double feature with Xena: Warrior Princess gave me two hours of campy and action-packed fun each Sunday afternoon. In 1997, Hercules star Kevin Sorbo briefly switched to the big screen for Kull The Conqueror. The film was conceived as a third entry to the Conan saga, but Arnold Schwarzenegger turned down the role.
This was an unfortunate decision for us action fans, of course, and so Robert E. Howard’s story of Conan the Conqueror was rewritten to fit Kull, a character also invented by Howard. Despite this apparent downgrade, the movie turned out to be a lot better than you might expect, so let’s have a look!
When Barbarian Kull (Sorbo) kills the mad king of Velusia, he takes the throne from him. His coronation is not greeted with much joy by the designated heirs to the throne, among them the cunning General Taligaro (Thomas Ian Griffith). To make matters worse the resurrected fire demon Akivasha (Tia Carrere) seduces Kull to marry her in human form. Her scheming forces Kull to flee from the palace, and he journeys to the ice caves of the god Valka whose magic is the only force that can destroy Akivasha.
A classic pulp fantasy experience must throw a never-ending stream of excitement at the reader or viewer: exotic locations and costumes, frantic fights, romance, magic, and Kull The Conqueror has it all! The film definitely does not impress with a refined plot, and is also kept relatively brief for an epic adventure with only around 90 minutes of runtime. But it really nails the pulp fantasy look and atmosphere, and perfectly re-creates that 1980s Sword & Sorcery vibe. Production values are smooth, and the mostly practical special effects (with some additional unobtrusive CGI) fit the purpose.
“Your bride is over 3000 years old.” “She said she was 19.”
Unlike with the Conan films, in Kull the humor is not unintentional. It is dosed well with the occasional cheesy one-liner, and helps to maintain a fairly light-hearted vibe throughout the film. The soundtrack stands out, blending classic orchestration with coarse heavy metal riffs. I’m sure some people will hate but it is a good background sound for this archaic world, and the classical parts evoke the spirit of the legendary Conan The Barbarian score by Basil Poledouris.
Sorbo is a fine choice for Kull, with ripped abs and a wild mane. If you’ve watched the Hercules show you may notice that he sticks to the same acting style (slightly subdued but overall charming), even though he swaps Hercules’ goofiness with a heavy macho attitude.
Thomas Ian Griffith gets no opportunity to showcase his martial arts skills but gives a fun take on a thoroughly corrupted military commander. Tia Carrere totally nails her role as evil witch queen with some fantastic overacting. And in 1997 the eternal contest for the greatest mullet ever continued with both Sorbo’s and Griffith’s most impressive submissions.
When I get my hands on the bitch demon, I will rip out her evil heart!
The action sequences are staged routinely, with the modest budget not allowing for epic battles, and thanks to a PG-13 rating we don’t see a single drop of blood being spilled. But there’s always something happening, and the pacing is great with our heroes fighting in castle dungeons, on pirate ships and in ice caves. There’s lots of fun brawls, plenty of sword fights, explosive wizardry and a fiery finale. The camel from the first Conan film also makes a return and with not Conan not being around this time, it takes its revenge on an unsuspecting Kull.
Kull The Conqueror may be not as bombastic as the first Conan film, or as intense as Solomon Kane, but it is a charming piece of fantasy pulp that achieves everything it’s going for. If you have even the slightest inclination towards Sword & Sorcery flicks, I think there’s a good chance you will enjoy it.
